Thank you for being so sweet. Sorry my GAL list isn't up to scratch.
I do not have any GF to do anything with. We have no spare cash to do anything with. But anyway. None of this really matters because the thing is I am happy with my life and what I do in it. I am unhappy because I don't have someone to ML with and I need that to be truly happy and feel that life is complete.
My S is only 2 so I would need a babysitter a lot to do all the lovely things you suggest. Don't get me wrong they all sound lovely to do and I know where you're coming from saying I just need to decide to do them but my life really does revolve around him (S).
Right now I don't feel like we are going to make it. I think we will end up D anyway after all this and I think I'm starting to think that I may as well do it myself now rather than keep up this pretence that we'll make it and then H bomb me again. It is easier to GAL and get on with your life when the person you love isn't living with you and sleeping in bed with you. When they are there in your face it makes life all about them and the problem - you can't stop focusing on it. Every time I lay next to him I hate that I cannot touch him or kiss him. He hugs me and that's his way of trying to make me think things are OK but that makes me want him more because I'm close to him.
When I had a similar problem after S was born H wanted me to see a C there was never any mention that we would D if it didn't get sorted. Now H has the problem and it is basically said that if he cannot sort it in his head we will D. I asked how come its different and he says he doesn't think a C would sort it. I don't think he can sort it. I can't stop crying. Every time his back is turned I'm in tears. He said this morning that there are more things right than wrong (with the R). That brought a tear to my eye because it was such a lovely thing to say.
