No, I didn't take your post as saying I was WRONG. Much of what I speak to comes from my own personal observations.
What I see, hear and sense is processed by my own filters of life experiences whcih gives me a curretn understanding of what I am experiencing at the moment. It is what I know and believe at this moment. Each day I experience more and learn more, than my beliefs change.
To me, everything is perception. My observations and perceptions can be very different from yours. It is not a wrong thing, it "just is."
Sometimes we believe that if something is written, then it must be the truth. I've looked at some statistics on marriage and divorce and one could come up with a number of opinions explaining the statistics. Who would be right? I don't know.
I would like to share an article from Missouri Families Relationships website.
"What is the current divorce rate in the United States? Has the divorce rate changed much over the last 5 to 10 years?
The divorce rate in the United States has generally been going up throughout the 20th century until it's peak in the late 1970's. The rate of divorce has been slowly declining since that peak. In the most recent data, there were about 20 divorces for every 1,000 women over the age of 15. This number is down from about 23 divorces per 1,000 women in 1978, but it is still significantly greater than the rate of divorce during the 1950's. At that time, the rate of divorce was about 5 per 1,000 women.
The divorce rate has been climbing in every industrial country in the world. There are two significant factors affecting the rising divorce rate in the United States and elsewhere: (1) men and women are less in need of each other for economic survival, and (2) gains made in birth control allow men and women to seperate sexual activity from having children.
A variety of factors are producing the current leveling off of the divorce rate. We may be at the end of the effects produced by the emergence of reliable birth control in the 1960's, but there are also other factors. Our population is aging, and in general longer marriages are more likely to remain intact. Also, more young people are cohabitating rather than getting married. The breakup of this kind of relationship does not get recorded as a divorce."
I can definetly see that more people are choosing to cohabitate rather than marry. What was once considered taboo and sinful is now being accepted by society.
Many of the MLC spouses cohabitate with the OW/OM after the divorce. They live together in a marriage like relationship, yet it is not counted in the statistics as being married. When they breakup, they are not counted as having divorced.
My XW has been cohabitating with the OM for 6+ years. She has been engaged for over 3. They have built a house together and are on the mortgae jointly. Why don't they get married? Becuase the spousal support I pay to my XW ends if she gets re-married before 10 years after the divorce.
I don't buy into the belief that as we get older, longer term marriages are more likely to remain intact. Of the many people who come to this board, their marriages have lasted 20-30 years before seperation.
There are currently 76 million baby boomers between the ages of 42-60. This is prime midlife crisis territory. For statistical purposes the U.S. Census Bureau counts adults as anyone 15 years or older.
In the 2000 Census, here are some of the statistics;
Population 221,148,671 Men 107,027,405 women 114,121,266
The highest percentage of divorced men and women are between the ages of 35 and 64.
"The number of unmarried peole living together icreased tenfold from 1960-2000, the U.S. Census says; about 10 million people are living with a partner of the opposite sex. That's about 8% of U.S. coupled households. Data shows that most unmarried partners who live together are 25-34.
There are many reasons for the increase in cohabitation. People are getting married at an older age. "Many young peole are saying marriage is not on their mind. New data from the Census 2004 Current Population Survey reflect the trend toward waiting. Women's median age at first marriage ros from 20.8 in 1970 to 26 in 2004; men's rose from 23.2 to 27."
Many retired people cohabitate so they don't lose Social Security benefits from a deceased spouse. It is becoming accepted by society.
All of society is looking at marriage differently today than it did in the past. With our increase in life expectancy, some at midlife fear being married to the same person for another 20, 30, 40 years. Some change spouses like changing careers.
In the not to distant future, the average life expectancy will be reaching 100 years. I'm sure this will continue to have have an influence on marriage in the future.
What marriage is, or is not, may be being re-difined before our very eyes.
