I'm glad you took the time to read Silent Son's. I would suggest it to others who might feel their husband is a silent son, as it will help you to better understand why your husband is behaving the way he is.
It is troubling to see the impact parents have on their children and the issues they create for them to deal with in adulthood.
I realize my parents did the best they could. They simply acted out the roles they had seen their parents play. The MLC spouse is mirroring the experience he or she had as a child during midlife.
Life does repeat itself. I've witnessed my own life going in circles, spiraling, forward and backward, side to side, up and down and 100 million other directions.
Life is a journey, it is continually changing. Why is it we want life to remain the same? We want to go back to our old marriage, even though it was not working for our MLC spouse.
So many people believe that their spouse was happy prior to the "bomb." I'm sorry to say, they were not. They were wearing the "mask" of happiness.
Inside of the MLC spouse things were a stirring and brewing to the point where they were going to explode if they didn't do something.
Sometimes we choos "flight" to deal with our "fright." We try to run from the awful feelings and memories inside. We think that if we run fast enough and far enough from our inner pain, it will be left behind.
Truth is, this internal emotions that the MLC spouse struggles with can never be left behind with the LBS. It will follow the MLC spouse wherever they go.
They can not escape it by seeking comfort and security with the OW/OM. They can not drown it in alcohol. They can not smother it with food. They can not numb the pain with drugs. The sexual high will only mask this pain for a brief moment of time before returning to eat at their insides.
The MLC spouses core issues lie within themselves. Unfortunately, they believe that the issues are external and they start with the person they married.
If only they can get away from the person that is bring them so much pain. To the MLC spouse, they don't realize the pain is associated with their past. To them, the pain is in the present, and the person to blame is the one closest to them in the present. Their spouse, is the scapegoat for all that troubles them. It is their reality.
When you can come to understand this reality, it is time to "let go" and focus on yourself. The struggle with a MLC spouse is a long uphill battle. Their is no quick fix or simple solution.
If you listen to those who were successful in getting their spouse back, I would guess that they "detached with love" and moved forward with their life, by taking care of themselves first.
A MLC spouse is not an emotionally and spiritually healthy person. If the LBS remains emotionally and spiritually unhealthy as well, they will not appear to be a person the MLC spouse would care to return to.
The key to having the best chance to get your spouse to return to the relationship, is to focus on you, make yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. Without doing that, your MLC spouse will not be as attracted to you.
And if your MLC spouse chooses not to return to the relationship at this time, you will have improved your own self esteem and become more whole as a human being and will attract other human beings who seek a special person like the one you have become.
Do not do these things with the sole purpose of getting your spouse back. Do these things for you. Why? Because you will feel tremendously better and will begin to see the beauty of life and all the love that is around you.
My life could have remained in the black whole, but I found the courage to focus on myself, look at myself from the inside out, and work on healing myself.
I am still working on healing myself and probably will until the day I die. Someday's it's hard work. Someday's it's great to discover parts of myself that I didn't know existed.
Life is a journey and it should be filled with discovering the "lessons of life."
