Still in the fight

[81388*]

ATGO;
Thanks for checking in, I agree, there can be no hope of reconciliation w/ OM in the picture. The problem is that the conventional wisdom is that chances are better if W stays at home, but situation w/ OM is moving ever closer to ultimatum of him or me, and if it is him, then get the h#ll out.

I thought I knew this woman, obviously I didn't.

I have told her what I think of her choices, I have told her that I neither condone nor respect what she is doing, but that I am trying to understand it and support it because it is her choice to make.

I am starting to listen to those who say "she is just using you", or "you are just a doormat", or "she won't respect you until you stand up to her about this A".

I had a friend approach me tonight, and want to talk. He said he could tell what was going on and just wanted me to know that he had been through it and was there to talk. His was awhile ago and he has married, but started out very pessimstic. He told me he understood the pain, and that even thought it changes over time, it never goes away, and that even though he was happy with his wife and current marriage it wasn't the same as before.

I think it was an opportunity for me to help him proactively. I told him that what he was describing to me was no longer acceptable to me. He has been given the opportunity and the tools to make his M incredible, he just needed to be willing to work at it. I told him about all the times I had identified where I could have had a lasting positive impact on my marriage that is now crumbling and didn't do what I needed to do.

I told him that marriage is just too difficult and complex to ever think that it can be self-sustaining. We all think that marriage is subject to the laws of nature, and that it will some how develope a momentum that will propel it forward. Maybe it is subject to those laws, and chaos therory is at work, I don't know, except to say not working at it results in dissatisfaction.