I wish I could understand too how all this works. These moms refuse to beleive that anything could be wrong with their sons. I am sure they know that they did something wrong when they raised them but cannot admit it. But the whole process would be so much easier if they would try to understand and admit their own mistakes. Working this all out together would be the best solution for all.
Vicious cycle, the scary part is to wonder how long it has been going on, how many generations.
Arrested development growing up, in many cases right?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
As for the amount of kids, I love them and we actually talked about having an even dozen!! I had easy pregnancies and deliveries. I had 3 miscarriages over the years and my last pregnancy I was carrying identical twin boys and we lost one. In some ways life was pretty idealic for a while. I homeschooled, we had ducks and chickens, I had my vegetable garden and my catering business it was pretty good. The "plan" was to raise them together I had no idea that I would end up a single Mom.
It all kinda threw me for a loop.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Your post really touched me. I, too, feel very shut out from my in-laws, people that I considered my family and who I treated as such. I don't want to hijack your thread but I do understand. About the children issue, this is a major one for me right now. H and I did not have children and I would still like to have at least one of my own, but I am now in my late 30's and feel that time is running out. I do not want to jump into a new R with someone else just so I can have a child, but I am angry that the last 2 years of my life have been spent in this limbo while my H had a crisis, and I still have no closure...and no children.
God has a plan; I just don't see it yet.
Hugs.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I wish I could understand too how all this works. These moms refuse to beleive that anything could be wrong with their sons. I am sure they know that they did something wrong when they raised them but cannot admit it. But the whole process would be so much easier if they would try to understand and admit their own mistakes. Working this all out together would be the best solution for all.
Good luck in your quest for peace with your inlaws. You have a great and forgiving attitude.
At the end of the day blood is always thicker then water and their Son will always come first regardless of how many flowers and cards you send or how much effort you put forth.
They will take their childs side because after all they were the ones who created this person, and can make excuses for the bad behavior.
If there were never any consequences for things when they were growing up, and Mummy and Daddy always rescued them and bailed them out of the sh*t, then they will continue to repeat this pattern into adulthood.
With Mum and Dad standing by....
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
February 20, 2007 God's Protection and Peace in Life's Storms Philippians 4:6-7 Emotional storms of inner turmoil are difficult to handle. Grief, fear, and worry can cause us great distress. To see us through life’s difficulties, God provides His protection and peace. But protection doesn’t mean that troubles won't occur. Jesus allowed the disciples to experience the fear and anxiety of being in a boat on a tumultuous sea. He permitted them to suffer because He had something far more important in mind. He wanted to teach them to recognize their own helplessness, His sufficiency, and their dependence on Him. God’s peace is not dependent upon the calming of our circumstances or the removal of external pressures. Nor does it mean the absence of conflict. His promised peace comes in three ways. First, Jesus Himself becomes our peace. Through His death, He reconciled us to the Father. And we are no longer His enemies. (Romans 5:1) In God, we can be at rest. Second, when we’re in a right relationship with the Father, we have the ability to live at peace with our fellow man. (Ephesians 2:14) Through God, we have the power to choose forgiveness, to keep no record of wrongs, and to show love to our enemies. Third, the transforming work of the Holy Spirit enables us to experience an increasing sense of inner tranquility. (Galatians 5:22-23) God provides our spiritual needs to both endure and grow stronger in our Christian faith. What challenges do you face? Are you using what God has provided?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
my mil never said a WORD to H about his lies and moving away. She never once called here unless H was visiting. What grandchildren? Who????
When H left, she fell off the side of the earth. Now as d17 is graduating, MIL says she cannot attend the graduation in 4 months, b/c she has dogs, and 'SHE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT WITH THEM." What a nut. Her loss. And BND, before you get too crazy, be careful what you wish for. Maybe just thank God that she lives so far away....and maybe your H can see things differently about her too. Not mandatory. My kids think (I think,) she is either a bit crazy (which is true) and maybe mentally damaged, which I also think is true...either way, d17 told me recently that she kind of noted, that she is much closer to my family -mom came out to sit for them when I went to Hawaii, and my sisters, who email and call regularly. I recall thinking, "duh, my family makes an effort." I used to feel close to my bil too. Who? Not one call. The reconciliation seems to please them, but God knows it's no thanks to their "efforts." ???? Oddly enough the only one in H's family to keep in touch with the kids, was my fil the Vietnam vet...go figure. But it meant a lot to me, and I'll thank him someday soon.
oh well, I think we both have enough people who DO love us well and need our love in return....better to focus on them, than the idiots....never ever forget how far you have come. And if you get a chance, check out my post on piecing....thanks, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You hit the nail on the head here. The vicious cycles that I guess we are to break. We are the stronger ones and have to make sure our children grow up emotionally healthy. Of course the irony is we have an extra hurdle to get over with these abandonment issues but then again maybe we would not have become aware of potential problems if these issues had not arisen. I always believed I needed to hang on to "save" h but maybe all this is to save my children.
Your life sounded wonderful and it will be that wonderful again. But yes I could only imagine how you felt after having so many children and your h decides to pursue his own happiness. How insane is that. Lucky your children have such a strong mom.
Hijack away. This is a very good discussion and a necessary one. It brought up all those emotions again for me. Unfortunatley many are in the position where they waited to have children and then mlc. In fact I am not sure if h and I would have children if I hadn't convinced him it was the right time.
I know God has a plan I just wish He could let us in on it all at once.
