BND....so much of the MIL stuff is common among all of us (with the rare exception of Angelica and others). I was shocked that the people who called me their "daughter" turned their backs on me within seconds.
Here's my theory....
When I told my parents of my marital strife, the first thing they did was ask "what do you think YOU did to contribute to this...change that, be better.." They did not care that I might be angry at them for saying that, they still challenged me. That is how I was raised. My parents cared more about the woman I became rather than worrying about what I though of them.
My H's parents care so much about their sons rejecting them. Their eldest son (BIL) already has. H has a short temper with is parents, and they are always walking on eggshells and will validate anything he does or his brother does.
I think they KNOW that they did not do right in childhood to their sons. They KNOW that they screwed up. They KNOW that it is a root cause of their sons actions in adulthood (my MIL is a child psych, for God's sake....how AWFUL...poor kids). I think when it comes to their sons going through hard times, and when they do the immature thing in pointing the finger of blame ALWAYS on something else, they encourage it ,b/c they don't want the finger to be pointed at THEM. So, sure, blame the W, the job, the location, whatever.....we will support you son, as long as you don't blame us....b/c we know that is the truth.
My IL's blame my BIL's new religion, W and her family for his rejection of them, even though he has made it CLEAR that he is rejecting them and treats them the way he does b/c of things they did. Such denial. Then, instead of saying "Son, we are sorry, how can we mend this..." They play victim to his antics....again forgetting they are the parents and need to address this as such.
Lis, It's hard now that you imagine things in your head. I know that my H didn't answer his phone when he was with OW. So even now, when he doesn't answer, I get this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach... Sometimes I actually shake.
You just need time to adjust to the news of OW. Don't sweat not checking in on anyone. Do for you right now.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
When I found out h had introduced ow to his parents I told mil that her welcoming that woman into her home had hurt me. She said that she did not want to lose her son and that he was happy now. So most of them are the same.
Lissett. Take your time to greive and know that we are all here for you.
I wish I could hug you right now Lisset, and tell you the OW is not your punishment by God for failing. You are not being sentenced to a life without joy.
Yes, you must feel terrible. Who wouldn't. We understand.
Puffy is not as happy with OW as he was when he first got together with you. He will not be as happy with OW in six months as he is with her right now. He is trying to invent happiness but his body will reject it in time. It is what happens in hell, and we know he is not in heaven.
You are feeling even more pain, than he is happiness right now. That is wrong, and life knows it. Life will find a way to help you put things in perspective if you let it. Grieve for one thing at a time.
Limit that as a rule. Let it all out for one simple thing ... like mil let you down. And when you have cried and grieved over that single dissappointment, put it in a secret little imaginary box and close the lid. Put it on a shelf, knowing it is there, and that for now it is closed.
If you will do this, seriously, you will not regret it. Grieving all at once for everything this tragic event has done to you wrongly, is just simply too overwhelming for anyone. Think of actually knowing each and every person who died in the twin towers. How could any human expect to manage all that grief?
So don't try. Don't let this become larger than life. Think a bit about the things you have posted, discussed with friends, or considered to yourself. Each one is a single tragic loss. Only mourn one loss at a time.
Here is one of the things this allows you to do. Rest between funerals. Eat. Shower. Talk to your support system.
Please do not consider all this trauma at one time if you can avoid it. It will come down on you like the twin towers.
Lissett, and Always, I guess I could be accused of being very generous to my H. But you need to know that I admire and respect the choice that you both made to let it lose. DB is not about perfection. It is an option. Sometimes that option is right, and sometimes it is wrong. But I hear from both of you that it was the right option for YOU. I want to believe that God helped you to find the words and anger to tell your H's. I think God may have had a part in that. Do not doubt yourself. Do not every consider being ashamed about being honest and forthright with us her on this board. We cherish you both, just the way you are. Love, Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Oh Chica! I am feeling so bad that you are feeling bad...
No leaving the boards,okay???? We need to buy shoes when I'm there next month!
The thought of what Puff is doing IS enough to make anyone sick...
I am certain that you look fabulous at any given time of day...
Don't worry about not visiting threads...I haven't either...I've been a slacker all weekend but I have shampooed the carpet in the office (the one that Petunes LOVES to pee on) 3 x!!!! WTF???? I am turning into a regular suzy homemaker....Gahhhhhhh!
Love you babes, miss talking to you but I know what you need is stillness and not a hen party.
Muah, tu amiga, Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
