I wish I could hug you right now Lisset, and tell you the OW is not your punishment by God for failing. You are not being sentenced to a life without joy.
Yes, you must feel terrible. Who wouldn't. We understand.
Puffy is not as happy with OW as he was when he first got together with you. He will not be as happy with OW in six months as he is with her right now. He is trying to invent happiness but his body will reject it in time. It is what happens in hell, and we know he is not in heaven.
You are feeling even more pain, than he is happiness right now. That is wrong, and life knows it. Life will find a way to help you put things in perspective if you let it. Grieve for one thing at a time.
Limit that as a rule. Let it all out for one simple thing ... like mil let you down. And when you have cried and grieved over that single dissappointment, put it in a secret little imaginary box and close the lid. Put it on a shelf, knowing it is there, and that for now it is closed.
If you will do this, seriously, you will not regret it. Grieving all at once for everything this tragic event has done to you wrongly, is just simply too overwhelming for anyone. Think of actually knowing each and every person who died in the twin towers. How could any human expect to manage all that grief?
So don't try. Don't let this become larger than life. Think a bit about the things you have posted, discussed with friends, or considered to yourself. Each one is a single tragic loss. Only mourn one loss at a time.
Here is one of the things this allows you to do. Rest between funerals. Eat. Shower. Talk to your support system.
Please do not consider all this trauma at one time if you can avoid it. It will come down on you like the twin towers.
