Sex Drive and Life Style

[MJontheMend]

Are you seeing the picture I am, that he is a male version of the Jewish American Princess and is basically spoiled rotten?

Well, my Mom calls him the "pampered prince" but my Mom is pretty b*tchy. At a holiday dinner my MIL started talking about how cute and talented my H was when he played the Ron Howard role in a big production of The Music Man when he was a kid. My Mom practically started rolling her eyes at the other end of the table. My kids who are sharp cookies started laughing to themselves. My MIL took my H shopping for pants for his birthday when he was in his 30s. I had to point out to him how odd that was. Recently she picked up my S18 who is her pet to take him out to lunch. She told him to brush his hair (which he wears quite long) before they left. My son told her that he liked his hair the way it was and I have to admit that I was pleased.

So what do you say when he says this? It sounds like a little boy being cute with his mom when he got caught at something, and trying to “endear” his way out of it, KWIM? So I am wondering if you find it cute too. If so, do you think that is enabling him? Maybe you could show a little indignation that he isn’t playing the leader role and you really don’t find that amusing in the least.

Dead on. Guilty as charged. My H grew up between two sisters and he learned early how to entertain the ladies. He can play that "endear" his way out of it role to a tee. He is a natural mime and ham. Here is how bad my MIL is. She told me that when my H and his sister who is just a year older than him were little they had coat hooks on the wall. When they would come inside his sister would hang up her coat but my H would moan and pretend that he couldn't reach the hook so that his sister would hang his coat up for him. My MIL thought that this story was cute and funny!!!

Your problem is that he has been doing this all his life, and getting away with it to boot. Old habits are going to be hard to change. But his excuse for not finding another job sounds pretty lame. Maybe he is a little scared to go out and find something new (maybe along the lines of wanting mommy to be there to help him through it). Do you think he has any concerns about competition from younger workers? Is his job really that bad or is it more a function of the people he works with? Sometimes a job can just be a job, but it’s the people you work with that make all the difference. Which really seems like a good reason to leave if he hates his boss.

It's less that he hates his boss and more like he gets too fused with his bosses. He cares too much what they think of him. Same with his co-workers. Back in my more dysfunctional days this used to make me sort of jealous because he could obsess endlessly about what these other people thought about him or how they treated him but simultaneously act like he didn't give a damn about my opinion or how he treated me.

As for your youth, I do not think there is anything dysfunctional per se in what you describe growing up, except that I think you were awfully young and naïve to be experiencing sex. I understand your body “pulling” you in directions before your time, but I do think it had a powerful effect on you. To have grown men hitting on you at that age, and to be surround with constant overtones of sex had to have a dysfunctional effect on you. If you said all this started around the age of 18, I wouldn’t give it a thought, but I think you were waaaaay to young to be experiencing all that. I don’t know how a girl of that age knows enough to properly keep those sexual advances in perspective. Just my POV.

I know what you're saying and there is some truth there. Partly it was just "gifted child" syndrome (brain too big including the sexual info part for my emotional britches) mixed with an early blooming body. One incident that makes my sister and I laugh every time we recall it is that we were at the beach one day and some guys came up to us and one said "Would you ladies like a beer?" and my sister said quite forcefully "We aren't ladies!".