How do you explain the intersection of this with my obvious marital fusion? I wish I knew.
I wasn’t aware until today that your H’s mother was a rescuer. Don’t you think all his behavior is just follow through of that? Mom, get me a better job, with someone I like… Mom, cook dinner for me before you leave…. Mom, tell me I’m great and smart and successful and how muuuuuch you love me.
Well, for instance I hate it when my H tells me that I shouldn't do things for my business because they would inconvenience him.
Yep, that one too…
Personally what I mean by valuing independence is that I like working for myself and I like knowing how to do things for myself, like how to make homemade pickles or how to patch plaster. I like the idea of being financially independent so I value thrift.
Uhhh Mom, you’re not paying attention to me when you’re doing that stuff…
Yes, but he says things like "Is it any wonder I am so f*cked up?"
So what do you say when he says this? It sounds like a little boy being cute with his mom when he got caught at something, and trying to “endear” his way out of it, KWIM? So I am wondering if you find it cute too. If so, do you think that is enabling him? Maybe you could show a little indignation that he isn’t playing the leader role and you really don’t find that amusing in the least.
Are you seeing the picture I am, that he is a male version of the Jewish American Princess and is basically spoiled rotten? If he were my son, I’d be kicking his ass to get out and learn to fight in the business world, or whatever interests him, as long as he goes after it with some gusto.
Your problem is that he has been doing this all his life, and getting away with it to boot. Old habits are going to be hard to change. But his excuse for not finding another job sounds pretty lame. Maybe he is a little scared to go out and find something new (maybe along the lines of wanting mommy to be there to help him through it). Do you think he has any concerns about competition from younger workers? Is his job really that bad or is it more a function of the people he works with? Sometimes a job can just be a job, but it’s the people you work with that make all the difference. Which really seems like a good reason to leave if he hates his boss.
As for your youth, I do not think there is anything dysfunctional per se in what you describe growing up, except that I think you were awfully young and naïve to be experiencing sex. I understand your body “pulling” you in directions before your time, but I do think it had a powerful effect on you. To have grown men hitting on you at that age, and to be surround with constant overtones of sex had to have a dysfunctional effect on you. If you said all this started around the age of 18, I wouldn’t give it a thought, but I think you were waaaaay to young to be experiencing all that. I don’t know how a girl of that age knows enough to properly keep those sexual advances in perspective. Just my POV.
Lil, you want to jump in here? You probably know a lot more about this than I.
