I'm so sorry to read what the last few days have been like for you. You have handled things well as far as I can tell. I personally think it was a good sign that your wife stayed with you and didn't try to contact OM right away. I've inserted a website that has an article by Frank Pittman on the different types of affairs. It might be useful to see if any of these types fit your situation. My xH's affair was the "romantic" infidelity for what it's worth.
As far as how to handle the OM, I think you probably have to wait and see what comes out Tuesday night and decide from there. Otherwise it seems premature because you don't really know what you're dealing with.
Cobra's point of view on jealousy is interesting. I think we're talking about different aspects of jealousy. What you don't want to be is jealous in the way of being weak, needy, controlling, a bit scary in your "need" for her, etc. But being angry (hopping mad) and stating strongly that you won't share her is different than jealous in my Point of view. Michelle writes about the jealous behavior in her book.
For full disclosure, I happen to be someone that almost completely agrees with Michelle's approach. While I don't think it is comprehensive in that there are many additional philosophies and techniques that would be complementary, I do think it is a solid framework for preventing divorce IF that is your #1 priority.
It sounds like NOP, unfortunately, has some experience that will be helpful to you once you know where things are with you and your wife and OM.
Regardless of what comes out Tuesday night, it won't be an easy time for you so make sure you take care of yourself throughout this time. Like they say, put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others!!
Good Luck
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
