Thanks Chromosphere and Cobra for pointing out my flawed thinking. This just goes to show how unclear my thought process is right now.
Please don't mistake the timbre of my post. I echo NOPkins in saying you did an excellent job. I just wanted to give you different perspectives to think about, that you can choose to act on or disregard as not being relevant.
Your comments about how your W was already seemingly pushing for a separation and how it could cause this situation to play out are on the mark. I personally think you are thinking more clearly than most would if put in a similar situation.
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If I ask for an immediate separation in two days, (rather than having her take weeks or months contemplating when and where) might she fear that she is about to lose everything we've shared for 20 years and be more motivated to end the affair? Or will it push her to her OM for comfort? That is the question that only my W could decide.
My opinion on this, if you don't want a separation, don't push for one. If you want her to end the affair and piece your marriage back together, that is what you should focus on. If her continuing in the affair is a "deal breaker" for you, then go for a separation and/or divorce. I'm personally opposed to using D or S as a threat to achieve some other goal. And if it does happen that threatening a separation does "push her" toward OM, you are now in a worse position if you truly do want to repair the M.
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Perhaps I do need to show more competitve zeal, in fighting to keep her. I'll stay off the soy products and sharpen my foils with aplomb.
Zeal towards a building a strong M is always good. Tally-ho!
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
