I was holding off to hear NOP’s comments, but Chrome mentioned something we have discussed here before.
But the truth is I would like to be able to apply DB principles in my life, and let the OM get jealous and controlling.
Perhaps what is needed is for you wife to see YOU get jealous and a little controlling. You have a loooooong way to go before this problem is resolved. At some point the spotlight is going to be squarely on YOU and what you did to contribute to the conditions that caused your wife to feel she had no alternative that to seek out an affair. I see affairs as nothing more than a cry for attention, though a pretty destructive way of crying.
I’ve been in your shoes long ago, in college, and I know how much it can hurt. But I was as responsible for creating the conditions at that time as she was for cheating on me. I see no benefit in thinking that your wife should see the other man get jealous over YOUR wife!! Why would you want her to see this? You are the one who should be hopping mad, not him! There is a lot more to this theme and it may be a major issue for you to come to terms with.
Do you think I should push for an immediate separation if she is not clearly ending the affair?
What is your purpose, to cut off your nose to spite your face? This is going down the path of vengeance. Its OK to feel it, even express it, but try not to act on it.
One last comment, following up on Chrome’s statement about GEL (GreenEyedLass). I do not recall at any time GEL telling her H that she did not like him. She made a very clear distinction between loving him but hating his behavior. In that way, she did not alienate him and I think she was able to show him that she was on his side and THEY were able to deal with his problem as a TEAM (anybody listening out there?)
