There is just no way that I can see my H as a strong male when he behaves in a manner that is irresponsible to the extent that it makes me worry about the welfare of my children.
Agreed, but can you at least give him the benefit of the doubt that he has the potential within him?
So I'm trying to be sort of the pro-active "Mom" who in response to "I'm too tired to do my homework." says "Then go take a nap right now and I'll wake you up in an hour and then you will do your homework.". My nice "Mom" side even remembers to supply some cookies and milk.-LOL.
This isn’t crossing over into the enabling mode, is it? It seems to be a very fine line you have to walk. It would drive me crazy too. Would it be better to show some indignation that he is wasting his skills and abilities and therefore not sharing with you his full potential, as Dieda proposes? Just wondering here…
I also discussed with my H that maybe he should start seeing a life coach or a job coach. I think he found the idea embarrassing but appealing at the same time.
Hmmm… that does sound a little like he is comforted and his ego boosted by knowing that you expect him to succeed, so he likes you pushing him, but at the same time he is embarrassed because you have to push him and other men don’t need pushing. Maybe the right balance of tough love is needed?
Also, I should note that although my H does have a degree in education his current work is in a high demand blue collar field so he can get work virtually anywhere if he doesn't change careers.
OK, I’m confused. If this is true, why is he putting up with this demeaning boss at work? Why does he just go out and grab some of this easily available work and set some of his own terms? If he is in demand, why is work even an issue? It should actually be a source of pride for him if he can be heavily recruited. I’m missing something here.
No, my problem is that I go into "Momma Bear" mode. I am only willing to spend so much time teaching a cub to fish before I abandon him to his own devices. I value independence too much to not try to allow other's to develop it, also I'm lazy.
OK Mojo, now just what do you mean by independence? One one hand I see you as being quite enmeshed with your H and dependent on him. When he gives you too much independence, it triggers anxiety in you. How can you claim to be so independent when you are so dependent on another to make you feel loved and accepted? Think this through a little because it makes no sense to me at all.
Note: his real mother is a total Type 2 rescuer martyr type.
OK, your baiting me with this FOO comment… Oh wait, I asked about it first. OK, does he understand the ramifications of this? I’m sure you do.
I'm almost tempted to just drop on purpose in the hopes that he'll reflexively catch me but I can't do it as long as I have to be a responsible adult for my children.
