But the truth is I would like to be able to apply DB principles in my life, and let the OM get jealous and controlling.
I'd say be careful with such thoughts. We saw recently a jealous and controlling former astronaut go absolutely bonkers. I'm not saying OM is necessarily the kind of person who go crazy on you, but I think pushing his buttons unnecessarily would be a mistake. I think sending a very clear "get the hell out of my life forever" is the best thing to do. I think even if you do listen into a phone call ending the affair, you should follow up by calling OM yourself and reinforcing the idea that the affair is over. Don't be mean or condescending (no matter how hard that might be), just be very strong and direct.
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Do you think I should push for an immediate separation if she is not clearly ending the affair?
That decision is up to you, but just know that most people involved in affairs do have a hard time ending it on their own. You may have to push and push hard. I wouldn't assume that just because she is having a hard time stopping means that she doesn't want to try to fix the marriage. A poster name Greeneyedlass I think really personfies this. We she discovered her H's infidelity, she pushed really hard on him to stop, and I think it was mostly due to her strength and conviction at that time that allowed them to move through the difficulty and get their R back on track. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if your W wants to make things right, she is likely to flounder for awhile. You are probably going to have to be the strong one for awhile. It isn't fair, I know. But I think you have already displayed an uncommon strength.
JMHO
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
