Are you my twin....living my life about 2 weeks behind me? I'm sorry that you were shaking and angry, but I am glad that you got it out. I had to chuckle at your post.....we are both so hot blooded (I am so ashamed when I see so many calm, patient women on these boards). The drama that comes out of our mouths....
We were CHAMPION detachers. I did not call my H for 4 months, and called 4x in 8 months.
Then he dropped the D. I was finished. Done. I was getting a D. What the hell. I might as well speak my mind. Like you, I also KNOW that I will NEVER remarry Dr. Luv if we D. That was the line for me. If you push the D, then that is IT.
I wanted to make sure that I tried everything before I blazed the D path, b/c I KNEW it would not be pretty....and I had ample ammo against him.
I let it rip...remember that a few weeks ago? I said MUCH WORST than you said, mamma. Things I cannot admit I said. I trashed him and everything in his life. I was shaking. I was screaming. He listened to it for 4 hours.
I had kept my mouth shut, as we all have, in unspeakable things. He was sure he wanted a D. So, why hold back?
You know, after that conversation, I felt bad. I thought I wanted it back again and make one more try, I did not write him the note after all. Instead, as everyone here on the board knew, I had given up. At last, the little flame in my heart went OUT....for the man I once knew. I was preparing for D. A NASTY one. I started downloading bank statements, getting all the debt stuff ready, paperwork, the L....and my father (so sweet like yours) said the same thing "I will go bankrupt, but we will make sure that he does not forget this, we will drag him through courts"
I reached a point one night, when I woke up, and thought "this is not the man I knew. This man, I do not know. This man will do anything to me. Each day, from now on, I will wake up and think, what is the worst he can do....and expect only that."
I thought that he would come back with nastiness, spewing, anger, crap. He did not. Instead, he was small, really listened, and heard my pain for the first time (he admitted).
I am not saying I am safe, or this will happen, or letting it loose is right. I am not saying that Dr. Luv is not planning some nastines right now....or will change his feble mind in a moment.
All I am saying is that I felt the EXACT same way you did. It's over, so why not, b/c I can never go back to this. And this is not a man I know, and I am tired of being quiet.
I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It is exactly what I did weeks ago, VERY un-DB. I felt ashamed to post here. But, strangely, I did not regret the overall action....just certain things I said (ugh, so bad, mamma).
So, hang in there.....there comes a point, when you think it's over, that you have to act for your OWN healing. For me, ripping into H was part of my healing, saving my dignity and integrity. That is just MY take....not everyone else's....nothing to advocate. Also, I had to tell H one more time that I was willing to see if it can work out BEFORE D.....just so I could lay my head down at night and face my family and community with clear eyes and say "I did my best...it is done."
Childhood issues....same with my H. Abusive father, neglectful mother. Time to grow up, finally.
Take care, mamma. Glad to see that you have your children and some laughs.
OW is trash. She is a bandaid. He will realize that like Dr. Luv. did.
