Afterall....This IS my Life III

[heatherg]

I am convinced that there was no way for you and your H to resolve your marriage without either leaving things as they were for some protracted period of time

....and then ending up right where we were prior to the A, which would have taken another protracted period of time to fix if possible at all.....ok, with you so far.

or reaching the point that you both truly evaluate what is important and what is not

In our own minds, we have each done this. Hence the gridlock and the necessary separation.

At the point of capitulation, you throw out all the ego, the anger, the grudges, and ask yourself what it is you really want.

I feel like I've done this. I'm not angry at H and I don't hold any grudges. I've asked myself what I truly want and I know that it is in fact my H that I want, but I cannot go on living the life we've been living....you see, even if I stayed in that life, I still do not have my H.

I am thrilled to see you deciding to sell your truck. That was a huge power play issue long ago, a power play that never had to occur.

That's crap Cobra. You said yourself back then that if it was going to have a large negative impact on my financial situation, then you could understand why I would refrain. Everything I do isn't a freakin power play.

I think you need to take a hard look inside yourself and determine what changed between then and now that you are willing to sell the truck.

I actually already tried to trade my truck in. Remember? I just should have taken it farther. You can always get more if you sell to a third party, I should have kept trying and I didn't. So, now I'm taking it the rest of the way because Nops has reminded me of why it is so important to do it. For H.

Isn’t love what you really want? Isn’t it the most important thing to you? If so, how can you put a price tag on it of only a few thousand dollars from selling the truck?

That's not fair at all Cobra. Especially coming from the person who wouldn't even put his wife's name on the title of some material possession you guys had, if I recall correctly. Unless of course, you're saying you've learned your lesson and have rectified that plus bought her a 2 ct anniversary ring, because afterall, isn't it love that's most important? Love does NOT equate with money. Period.

Neither of you were willing to break the power play.

I don't like the way this sounds and I don't feel like I've been engaged in power plays, at least not for the sake of feeling powerful. I've been trying to stand up for my rights in this M while simultaneously being repentent for mistakes. That's a very, very difficult thing to do because sometimes the paths to those objectives oppose one another. I've done the best I can and I don't care what you think about that.

Something needed to change, to break the gridlock and push things off center. Your filing for D seems to have done that for you, though not your H. The one good thing that has come of this is that you seem to be opening your eyes. Pity you couldn’t do that earlier, but that was your lesson to learn all along, wasn’t it?

Cobra, I have not come to any stark realizations. I have not 'opened my eyes' because they were never closed! I said that I have found I am more able to act from a place of love when I am doing it out of free will, not because I've been made to feel like I have to in order to get by.

I agree completely with what I wrote earlier. But that was then and this is now. There has been a sea change occurring (assuming you truly are “seeing” now).

Well, if you still agree with what you wrote back then, maybe you weren't 'seeing' either. Maybe none of us are seeing. Maybe we'll all just stumble through this life holding onto our selfish agendas and pulling our little power plays.