I am convinced that there was no way for you and your H to resolve your marriage without either leaving things as they were for some protracted period of time (yes, even longer that what you have endured) or reaching the point that you both truly evaluate what is important and what is not. It was hard for me to first understand that what I wanted was to be happy, rather than be right. To realize this, I had to get tired of either fighting the fight or come to a full realization of the cost of the continued battle.
At the point of capitulation, you throw out all the ego, the anger, the grudges, and ask yourself what it is you really want. Do you want to be together or not? You have not been able to answer this question until now (and you are still a little shaky about your answer). I am thrilled to see you deciding to sell your truck. That was a huge power play issue long ago, a power play that never had to occur. I think you need to take a hard look inside yourself and determine what changed between then and now that you are willing to sell the truck. Isn’t love what you really want? Isn’t it the most important thing to you? If so, how can you put a price tag on it of only a few thousand dollars from selling the truck?
Neither of you were willing to break the power play. Something needed to change, to break the gridlock and push things off center. Your filing for D seems to have done that for you, though not your H. The one good thing that has come of this is that you seem to be opening your eyes. Pity you couldn’t do that earlier, but that was your lesson to learn all along, wasn’t it?
What NOP is saying to you is to move the current stalemate off center again, in light of the damage that has been done. What you should do now is what you should have done earlier, but remember, you couldn’t see back then.
I agree completely with what I wrote earlier. But that was then and this is now. There has been a sea change occurring (assuming you truly are “seeing” now). Each step of repairing the relationship has its barriers to be overcome. Those comments I wrote were for breaking through your denials and your defenses. You are on a new battlefield now.
