It has now been three weeks since my H decided he wanted the divorce "for sure." He met up with the OW in a motel a week ago for the first time since they broke up in October. He called last week and told me about their reunion. He said she wasn't very happy about how bland it was, she expected more. I think she thought he would be down on his knees begging her for forgiveness, he wasn't. During that phone call, he said not to ask him how, or why, but he had a feeling we would be together again someday.
I have not seen him in two weeks, we have only talked two or three times on the phone, and only 3 or 4 e-mails have been exchanged. Last contact of any kind was Thursday. He has not seen our kids in three weeks. Yesterday morning I received a e-mail from him. He broke up with the OW Saturday night, because he still could not commit to a life with her. He thought it would be for the best if he went "solo" for a while, cut all ties, to all women. He said he needed to get his head on straight. He thought he would "more than likely" still follow through with the divorce, but he is done with the OW. When he sent the e-mail, he texted me at the same time. Apparently he wanted me to know ASAP.
I have not sent a reply to him. It feels so good to be out of his drama. I just can't do the ups, and downs with him anymore. He is cycling back through the stages so fast, I can't keep up. From what I can tell, he has been in MLC for three years. One year of denial, six months of anger, a little over a year of replay, and about four months of depression and withdrawal.
This last "trip" back through replay, I think was to close the door. He felt "forced" into breaking up with her last October, and I think he had to go back, and see one last time, if the OW was what he had built her up to be. Hopefully she will not keep contacting him like she did before, and he will be able to move forward, but I guess it wouldn't surprise me if he went back again. Even if he is done with her, I'm guessing she will make one more try, she is desperate.
I think his desire to go forward with the divorce, has to do with the withdrawal stage. He thinks he needs to be alone to sort through his mess, and the only way he thinks he can do that, is to wipe the slate clean. He has had depression through most of the MLC, so I don't see that as a specific stage, in his case. I think he was starting to face his "final fears" back in January when he got spooked, and went running back into the tunnel to revisit all the stages again. Hopefully all of those doors are locked tight now, and he will be able to move forward.
I am going to stay detached from his drama. I can't help him right now. I'm not sure at this point if he will be able to follow through with the divorce, he has put it off so many times already. Hopefully he won't see it as the only way to clean up his mess.
