Sex Drive and Life Style

[MJontheMend]

You are high drive for acceptance, which causes you to be high drive for sex.

You may be right but it's all mixed up chicken and the eggy for me because my sexuality is a part of me that I want to be accepted.

How did you feel as that girl in the white dress, walking back from a sexual encounter? Did you feel accepted, whole, loved? Isn’t that feeling what you are trying to get back to?

Well, I would say that it was more of a feeling of self-acceptance and self-love. That memory makes me want to leave my H because I feel like he interferes with that feeling.

Romanticism is fine and good, but as we will see with Lord Grenville, it can also be a way of hiding. It paints the world as you would like it to be, not as it really is, and anything that creates an illusion, no matter how innocent it may seem, cannot foster real vulnerability.

That's very good the part about illusion not fostering real vulnerability. When my H said "We do not have a happy family life." what he was really saying was "We do not have a happy family life because I am not happy because my job sucks and I am a member of the family.". He was trying to pierce my illusion that things were okay by letting me know that things weren't okay with him. The problem for me was that there was no way for me to "fix" what wasn't okay with him and therefore no way for me to restore the "happy family life" that I wanted. So my H got what he wanted in terms of rendering me more vulnerable because I, of course, responded by crying but the interaction actually decreased our intimacy or it maybe it made him feel more intimate with me because now I was unhappy too but it made me want to distance myself because I wanted to be happy. It's just too hard to be empathetic with someone who is so frequently depressed.

True intimacy and vulnerability require no test. They only require honesty an self knowledge without delusion. Not an easy thing to do.

Which comes back to the way in which I am a feminist. There is a core of feminism that tries to express the truth about the ways in which men and women are the same. Over-the-top sexism is as much of a protective delusion as over-the-top feminism though they both can be attractive romantic notions.