I am sooo sorry that you are in this situation and heard what you did. I completely understand what you are going through. I think we all feel stupid when we find out.
When my H told me about the A, we were able to have very long conversations about what is missing in our R. He also told me everything I wanted to know about OW and their R - what needs she is fulfilling. Then, I read everything I could about A's - why, how, etc.. In my opinion, knowledge is power. Remember, you can't believe anything your H is saying right now. Don't take the bad things that he is saying personally. Just work on beginning to understand what you need to do..
Once the shock wore off somewhat (although I'm still shocked when I hear/read their "love messages"), I made a plan of what I needed to do to make changes in myself to better meet H needs. I add one thing each week and keep referring back to it. I journal what is working and what is not.
Trust me, you will go through a multitude of emotions. In fact, I was that same crying, depressed wife just last week and I've been going through this for almost two months! You just keep trying and give yourself attitude adjustments and keep going back to your plan.
