Okay, so you guys were right

[Bworl]

Jazz,

While my sitch is different in that we are now divorced, my story is similar to yours in that my wife initiates zero contact with me.

I will not be caught up in a pursuer/distancer relationship with her, so I do not initiate contact with her either, unless it is financial or child related.

What I do instead is try to make sure that every interaction we do have, for whatever reason, is pleasant and friendly. I do my best to show how comfortable I am with myself and where I am in my life right now. And I try to create an environment where SHE can feel comfortable. My goal is to make our home a place where she feels safe, a place that she will want to be at again.

The truth is that right now that goal is designed just to improve the chances that she will spend more time with our S14, because I am pretty sure that our relationship is over for good. But she is still S14's mother, and I know that deep down inside of her she loves him tremendously, though she does a much poorer job of showing that than she ever did when we were together. This is simply a byproduct of her MLC journey and her intense focus on HERSELF. I hope that if she begins to realize that she is safe here, that I won't attack her or question her on relationship matters (hers or mine) that she will know she can be here and enjoy S14. He does NOT want to spend time in her little apartment that she shares with her female friend, so I need to do what I can to get her to come here and be with him.

My question to you is why would you want to pursue a woman who has not expressed a desire to pursue you? I refuse to put myself in the role of a desperate man. You love her - I get that. But think of the big picture and what it looks like if it is always you, you, you pursuing and her sometimes enjoying a little of it and other times turning her nose up at it. In the end it made me feel a bit pathetic, and I am not into that scene.

Until she gets to the point where she WANTS to seek you out, I would live my life, keeping the door open and maximizing the opportunities that you do have to be together by making them safe and peaceful times. Talking about "us" is not safe for the MLC'er. They do NOT enjoy that and will try to stay away from situations where they feel that is likely to occur.

Hope this at least gives you a different perspective.

Blessings,

Bill