You are never butting in and I always appreciate your insight.
My own perceptions don't always turn out to be true. There are times when I am WRONG and stand corrected.
See, a former MLC person can say that they sometimes are WRONG.
There may be a much higher percentage of people who do get back together than I'm aware of.
My mom went through a MLC and later on, so did my dad.
My dad moved in with the OW during his but eventually moved back home. My parents celebrated a 50th anniversary together before my moms eventual death.
Were they happy? Probably in their own way. My mom had many issues that she struggled with until the day she died. My dad has never really dealt with his issues, he keeps them to himself.
Maybe the biggest factor on whether couples get back together is whether the LBS is still available when the MLC spouse wants to give it another try.
My XW visited me at my office while we were in the process of divorce and said to me; "You don't even care anymore?" I simply shrugged my shoulders and did not give a verbal reply. She then said; "I might as well drive my truck into a tree." I didn't reply to that comment as well.
Why did I not comment? Out of fear. Fear that if I did say I still loved her, that she would reject me and hurt me all over again.
I believe her anger today is associated with my rejection of her when she attempted to re-connect. It is my belief that she feels while I went through my own MLC and affairs, she stayed with me. She has said she stayed because of our children, not because she loved me.
Now that the shoe was on the other foot, she feels I abandoned her. With her MLC, she moved out of the house.
In my MLC I did not leave the marriage physically in terms of moving out of the house, but I was detached emotionally.
My XW has a lot of resentment that I did not wait for her. At least this is my sense, and may be my own fantasy that she still is in love with me.
I do have a feeling inside of me that my XW and I will reconnect at some later point in life. Will it happen? I don't know. Could it happen? Absolutely. As long as both of us are still alive, anything is possible.
None of us know what the future will bring. My current wife may decide to divorce me, she may become ill and die. There is a good chance that at some time in the future I will be single again. There is also a chance that I may decide to divorce my current wife, or that I might drop dead from a heart attack and that will take away all possibilities of me getting back together with my XW.
I've looked back at my life and connected the dots. It is quite fascinating to see how people and experiences are connected. My current wife and I were in 1st and 5th grade together. We graduated from high school together.
In our senior year, she broke up with her boyfriend and I broke up with my girlfriend. Those two got together and began dating.
My current wife approached me with interest, and as she tells the story, I was to hung up about my Xgirlfriend and barely gave her the time of day.
My current wife lived about a 1/2 mile from where I grew up. She married my childhood friend who lived 3 doors away on the same street.
Her husband worked for the post office. I ran into him at the local lumber yard years ago and he said he was thinking about going into business. The same business that I was in, remodeling.
He wanted to know what I thought, whether he should do it or not. I told him, by all means go for it. Don't get to the end of life and have regrets that you didn't do what you wanted and had a passion for. Live life and take chances, and don't look back. Everything will work out.
In 1993 he was diagnosed with a blood cancer. He decided to close his business to lessen his stress, and came to work for me. Steve eventually died in 1997. He had taken the risk and lived life having avoided regret of never pursuing his dream of owning his own business as a remodeler and builder.
My wife and I crossed paths in the summer of 2000 at a little league baseball game that a friend of hers invited her to. Her friend told her that I'm usually there watching my nephew play. My nephew is the son of my XW's brother, who works for me, and has for over 20 years.
I was seperated from my XW and the divorce was in procees when I crossed paths with my current wife. As they say, when one door closes a new one opens.
What is interesting from my end of crossing paths with my current wife the evening of the baseball game. I was home laying on the couch trying to decide on whether to go watch the game or just stay home. I was tired and really didn't feel like going, but a voice inside of me said, go to the game, get your lazy self up off the couch and walk down to the ballpark.
Well I listened to that voice and the rest is history.
Had I not listened to or acted on that inner voice, I may very well have reconnected with my xw. But, I chose to move forward and let go of all expectations of my XW returning. I took a chance and decided to live life now, enjoy it while life was present, not wait for someday to appear.
Sorry for the long post. I'm not sure what point I was trying to make, other than life evolves, and you need to live it each and every day. We don't know how life will eventually play out, but we are in control of whether we are happy and living life on purpose.
Love, Paul As I have connected many dots in my life since childhood, understanding why things occured and what the lessons were for me, I sometimes want to know the "rest of the story" before it unvails itself. It's like reading a book about your life and wanting to go to the last chapter and see how it all turns out.
