I hear people laughing and talking in the background and it makes my stomach sick.
I often wonder if the WA's do this to try to prove that their sh*tty life is wonderful. Let it go, he will definitely "get" his, even if we don't see or hear it.
My H looks like crap, so he can pretend whatever he wants. I know that he is not spending every day with our wonderful sons and he knows very little about how they are really doing, how they are feeling, their happiest and saddest moments. By the time, he gets around to spending his hour or two every week to two weeks or longer with them, we have already dealt with or enjoyed their daily events. Sometimes he gets to hear about them and if they are no longer in the forefront, he doesn't. His decisions, his loss. They can have their OW and their wonderful new friends, I will take our children, family members, and long time friends over that any day!!
Last edited by iluv2teach; 02/18/0710:23 PM.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I hear people laughing and talking in the background and it makes my stomach sick.
Oh, Lis, I know what you mean here. Worse yet, my insensitive H. would sometimes call me and I could hear ow's child in the car with him. They.Are.Not.Thinking.Clearly.
Rinse. Repeat.
I hope you had a great time at the movies.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
You did the right thing. You have discovered the truth. You will find more strength within yourself than you ever knew you had. And this, as painful as it is, will set you free.
You will grieve more. You have been dealt a terrible blow. But, you will begin to understand. You will even begin to have compassion for Javier. I look back and would have done everything differently. My "instincts" were skewed by "ex's" MLC.
You will now set some strong boundaries. Now is the time to go dark. Grieve and take time to heal. You will face some things that you don't want to face. And you will have much disdain for him. BUT...now is the time to not throw stones. Come to the boards to vent your hurt and anger. This will bring you much healing. NOW THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU! Don't worry about him and don't fight with him any more.
Never tell your "enemy" what you are going to do. This is war. But in a "peaceful" sense. He does not have a clear plan. So don't play into his "stuff." In other words, don't do anything right now. There will be all the time in the future to retaliate. But you will find, in time, that this is not what you wish to do.
Stand, my Dear Lissette. But stand for what is true and right and don't let your children see that compassion is still "not the rule". Step back and deal with your anger and hurt. Look to the future...do you want to be remembered for your anger? Or would you rather show your beautiful children that doing the right thing is always the best path?
I know the answer to this and you do too. Difficult? You're damned right it is. He is not thinking clearly but you are. You could take full advantage of the situation but your children are watching. Extremely difficult? Yes, it is. But you are growing and it is after all, "All about You." So painful. But worth all the effort.
Now, the future holds beautiful things for us. There will come a time when you will know what is right for you. You already know what that is. Just work a little harder to get past THIS crap and your beauty will continue to shine through. Step forward and do the right thing. We are here for you. Take the time to be true to yourself. You have been given a gift.
How are you today? Did you have fun being the perfect Mom at the movies with all of those other little bratlets?
I actually got a couple of books that were recommended and gave them to my S20 to read, they helped him to understand things a little better.
I will email you the list of other books.
Lis, let me try and essplayn something to you...
YOU are a good Mother. Regardless of what Javier does, it is YOU that the children will turn to. They trust YOU, not him. They will always love him, but YOU are their rock, and they will learn soon enough that they can only count on YOU. They also have your Father, who seems to be a wonderful example and support for your children.
The example you set during this time is what they will remember. Just because your Husband pulled this stunt, And his Father did this, does NOT mean that your precious Son will do it too.
One of the reasons is because you will not sit back and allow him to sit silently and suffer. You are not emotionally distant with your head up your arse. You are always available for him to talk abour his feelings.
As you know, I want to start a thread just on Chicano MLC'ers because I do believe there is something different about them. The men are idolized by their Mamies and the Mamies refuse to say a damn word.
As Mothers we do have power to change thingsand we need to use this to our advantage. Not by manipulation but by example and love.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Lissett, Never tell your "enemy" what you are going to do. This is war. But in a "peaceful" sense. He does not have a clear plan. So don't play into his "stuff." In other words, don't do anything right now. There will be all the time in the future to retaliate. But you will find, in time, that this is not what you wish to do.
I love this quote from Mickey, it seems so appropriate to me now. Don't tell him your plans, and just give yourself time...your "instincts" now aren't the best, and they will change with time.
I posted the name and author of a book on my thread that I'm really liking as far as talking to kids. I also have others but I like this one so far.
