This wouldn't be a good M Go Blue post if I wasn't on board and butting in. Thanks as usual Paul , good topic. I don't know if there are any good stats out there on reconnections, sure some bean counter has done it, but I too am unaware of it. (Somebody want to do a Google search?) But I'll toss in from my observations of people I've met face to face that have dealt with this sort of thing. Excluding those that had a partner that left and married somebody else (6), of those that regreted doing that (3),excluding those I may have talked to and just didn't want to talk about it, the count is now 15 out of 24 that put it back together (either remarried to each other or recommitted to relationshiop). Shortest seperation was 6 months, longest 12 years. Common thread was what we understand to be MLC, words used describing from the person that was in it, or person dealing with it, may be a little different, but once the wrappers were pulled away, same "internal" package - MLC as we've seen it described. Youngest I've talked to , age 34 female, oldest 55 female (receiving end). Youngest, age 34 female (MLC at 32), oldest 65 (MLC at 58).(My best guess/ or determined on ages, don't hold me to them ) Six Stages descriptions with a 70% accuracy. If it were a larger sampling, I'm sure we could grind out some probability but with my theoeretical math/stat background, however, my sample is way too small. Bottom lines were - it was h@ll getting through it. Forever grateful LBS waited and was patient. From both sides that put it back together , boiled down to "A bomb between us couldn't seperate us now." Those that didn't get it back together boils down to " He/She is still nuts. I/We miss her/him, hope they do well, glad/sad him/her is out of here." Even shorter summation of my observations: Those that do get it back together, strongest relationship that can be had. Those that didn't, very sad people are those that didn't get through the tunnel fast enough, and their LBS moved on. Happy people moved on because they realize now their formers probably won't ever make it out of the tunnel or just didn't care what happened to them. How's that for a complete 360 degree view and no real answer? Well, there isn't one real answer because we are all different, and so is our sitches. But that doesn't mean we cannot be supportived of one another. That's why we are here. Darn good bunch on the boards.
So, does that hold you back ? was one of Paul's questions.
Sure does. Put two people in a new relationship that have had to deal with former MLC spouses, oh do we take it really slow. Hear that egg shell start to crack? RUN FOR THE HILLS!! And we make few running steps but have sense enough to say "Enough!". Recompose. Life goes on. Baby steps. Turn around. Hug someone new that has been placed into your life. It's in His hands. It's OK. Either way, it's just fine and so are you.
