I presume you are aware of how your sex drive varies with the state of your relationship. Right now it seems that things are drifting into another down phase, and you are posting your usual philosophical discussion on why you should be entitled to more sex. Not long ago your connection with your H was close, sex was more plentiful and you found your drive diminishing. Before that, your H was stressed, angry and moody, you were horny and trying to justify staying the marriage versus leaving and finding all the sex you wanted. I think we can document several more up and down cycles just on this board.
What I see in you is a continual pattern of using sex as your balm to feel loved and connected with your H. That makes sense based on what you’ve told us of your childhood. I would think sex at such an early age can confuse a girl in understanding just what it is about her that boys value – her sex or herself as a person.
Throw in a little touch of feminism (the rationalization to dress down, not “pretty” yourself up, not become vulnerable to a man, etc) and I can see you stuck between a rock and a hard place (though not necessarily the “hard” place you would like, LOL!) So on one hand, you want, even need sex to feel good about yourself. OTOH, getting sex means compromising some of your feminist behaviors. That thought repulses you somewhat, makes you less soft and feminine, and thus makes it harder for you to get the sex you want (which makes you hornier and ramps up the whole cycle). Your discussion with Blackfoot is actually quite interesting, but I do not think it is the real point of your problem.
When you wonder about reconciling your HD with the LD of your H, I do not think focusing on compatibilities, or different types of attraction toward sex will answer the problem. As you have portrayed on this board, your own sex drive cycles vary based on the state of your M. When the M is stressed, your drive goes up, when things are good, your drive diminishes. I think that is completely normal.
I think the high drive you are experiencing now is just a consequence of the current stress in the M. If you can level out the M, including leveling out the stress and self confidence that your H feels, then I am guessing your drive will level out because your H will be in a better position to give you the acceptance you really want. You will not have to resort to sex to prove yourself worthy and accepted, as you did when younger.
So I think your focus on sex is really putting the cart before the horse, KWIM? Work out the underlying acceptance, validation stuff, and I think the discussion with Blackfoot could be more valuable. Just my 2 cents.
