Concerning lack of detachment, and thinking too much of our situations
What you are managing is your resentment, anger and pain, all of which are evidence that you're still externalizing much of your feelings.
I hate to be graphic, but what you are doing (and BTW, me and everyone else going through this is too) is akin to having your stomach opened up and your guts spilled. You get the injury, somehow manage to put everything back in place and then you reach back in and start pulling bits back out through the wound again. Your assailant has long walked away. The pain you are feeling now is largely at your own hand and while the wound, or at least it's scar, is still there, that doesn't mean you have to reach into it and use it to inflict pain on yourself again.
You are still allowing HER emotions/problems and the relationship to greatly affect YOUR emotional state/feelings. You are allowing your feelings to then control you which is not helping.
When I think about internalizing, I guess I just mean detaching, not allowing external forces, forces that you have NO control over, to sway your mood and outlook on things. Being more self-centered (in a good way) is really what I am getting at. If you learn to put your happiness in a shell, inside yourself and nurture, protect and grow it, then you will be much better off than if you keep fishing for that happiness outside yourself, as you constantly do when you keep looking for your W or your marriage to make you happy.
