Of course I'll take the advice. I am NOT beyond doing specific things that I can do, I'm just beyond trying to elicit some change from H. I can see where tying up the loose ends of the last R will be necessary to start a new one and I'm all for that.
I've thought about if the situation were reversed and I've tried to see where H is coming from with the truck. If he had another girl in his truck and had kissed her and talked with her in there....yeah it's a sickening thought. So, let's say I've come to an understanding. There a couple of things I will struggle with though.....I've never asked for anyone's forgiveness in my life. Ever. Those words coming out of my mouth sound so strange, it's like "That's not me. That's not how I talk." But slipping it in like this, seems like something I could muster. "H, I wanted you to know that I sold my truck because I finally understand how offensive it's been to you. I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner, but there was no way I could hold onto it after I realized how hurtful it's been to you. It may be too late for my gesture, but I was/am willing to do it anyway because I do still love you and I am sorry for what I did to you. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me."
As for the kiss, I have no problems telling H that because I do agree that if we can get back to a place where we both recognize the value of our M, he will want to kiss me again. However, doesn't it sound a little presumptuous to tell H he doesn't have to kiss me ever again when I've already filed for D? If I were him I'd be thinking "Duh moron, you filed for D! Why would kissing be an option?!" Given the circumstances, how on earth do I tell H that?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
