Looking Up

[Heywyre]

Well I got locked out so here I am on a new thread (can anyone tell me how to connect the two threads?)

Anyway, I am journaling here and just feeling a little better about things the past couple of days. I don't know if its because things are really better or just how I am feeling at the moment. I don't want to seem pessimistic but I also don't want to disillusion myself either that everything is all bright and shiny either.

However, H was feeling pretty good the past couple of days (which is probably why I feel better too). He said the A is becoming more of a memory (however, I am concerned because he has to go to the city where OW lives in about 10 days and I am, needless to say, somewhat stressed about it - but not saying it to him - should I?)

Anyway, tonight as he was going to bed (he works nights so goes to bed VERY early) he said "how are you feeling" and I said I was ok. He said he had been feeling pretty good the past few days and I thought I would take the opportunity to ask him something that has been eating at me for quite some time - about a month or more ago, he said he didn't know how he felt about me or where I fit into his life. Needless to say this devastated me at the time and its been bugging me even since.

So tonight I asked him "so do you know where I fit into your life yet" and he INSTANTLY said "you're number 1" - my heart just about burst and I said "thank you" and gave him a kiss good night

I would have to say that's a giant baby step no?

Now if I could just get him to ML

[runningoutoftime]

I'm glad to hear he realized what he has (someone special enough to love him through bad times!) and was able to express it.

My husband sometimes has to go out of town where OW lives and because they work at the same company there's always a chance he'll see her. I've had to learn how to stay calm with this. Hey, that's a prime example of CBT!!!! It's basically like an exposure. The first time he did this (many months ago) I freaked out and checked on things, made phone calls to people, etc... Each time he goes it gets easier. Not that I don't sugarcoat the whole thing and think that nothing is going to happen. I just have to come to a point where I know it can happen (heck, it can happen any time. He could meet a new woman locally tomorrow!!!), but I need to be calm and logical. I can't stop the potential. I have to hope that my husband will be strong enough if a potential situation occurs he'll keep in mind he has someone much more special at home and it just wouldn't be worth it to lose that. Unfortunately, he's the one that has to learn boundaries. That's my own personal way of dealing with this type of thing.

As far as the ML thing, do they have any of those pole dancing classes out where you live? Might be fun to take a class in that and show your H what you're learning.

[SvenTheRed]

Heywyre,

I would certainly call that one of the bigger baby steps I have ever seen! This is great and good for you.

I owe you some perspective (in response to a post a couple weeks back that you made on another thread). I'm trying to find the time - so know that I didn't forget about you.

Sven

[Heywyre]

Hi Root - I live in a fairly rural area so I think the dance classes are out. H and I took a jive class quite a number of years ago and I loved it, he had two left feet and was not impressed when the instructor used me as his partner to show the class how to do it (I was thrilled and loved it) I have thought about going to dance class myself (although taking classes with H would be much more romantic I think) however, it is a good way to get out the house and do something for myself.

Sven - don't worry about answering the post from a couple of weeks ago. That is like telling me it was 10 years ago -

Seems like the days are like weeks nowadays (except for the weekends that go way too fast). I am so exhausted from all of this and hope I don't come down with something. I feel like I need a break but that won't happen until at least the end of May

In the meantime I will just come on here and vent

[runningoutoftime]

Well.... pole dancing is not like a regular dance class. It's more like striptease dancing with a pole (sort of like a fireman's pole). And believe me, if you took those classes your husband would want to see what you learned!

Interestingly, plenty of respectable middle-aged housewives in my area take this type of class, but it may just be a California thing.

[Heywyre]

I can guarantee you, if I took pole-dancing my H would NOT want to know what I learned and I would be surprised if he didn't express complete disgust in the fact that I was taking them (he is somewhat of a prude to say the least) He's got a real issue with what "other women" can do and what is ok for his wife (double standard you might say??)

I hear its really good exercise though. Frankly (for the exercise part of it) I think I would prefer to take kick boxing. I think I might get more attention from H if I was to take that, wouldn't you say?

[~Sol]

Heywyre,

How are you doing this weekend? Better than me, I hope.

[Heywyre]

I've been better - I've been worse so I guess, all in all, I am neutral

You are stressed out Sol (like me and so many others). You need to stop dwelling on this whole "how come she won't hug me, how come she won't kiss me, how come she won't ....."

We all have to stop obsessing (I am just as guilty as you are) - its difficult, I know but it just makes things worse, it really does

[81388*]

Hey Hey;
I went out tonight without m W, friend's band was playing and up til a few months ago,we would have gone together and danced. You are right, let it go, get on with your life and quit trying to figure it all out.

[Heywyre]

Glad to hear you went out (regardless of whether W was with you or not). We have to take those steps and sometimes its really, really hard. I don't like going places without my H, its just who I am, we always went everywhere together. We are both a little old fashioned that way but now it just seems strange to be doing these things alone. There is the odd little glimmer of hope here and there when he wants to take a walk or something but other than that, its just so difficult to read this man that I have lived with for so long. I think I could know more about a roommate than H at this point.

I went out yesterday and got my hair done - at least he noticed and said it looked nice