He said he's seeing someone new

[4ever_Regretful]

When I see the few quick shots of Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli on the Dimholt Rd, I'll remember hiking over rocks, under the hot sun, for what seemed like forever, just to get to the location they used, which was so gorgeous and otherworldly it took our breath away, (check out some pics (not mine) here, it's seriously gorgeous).....

You are right. It is breathtakingly beautiful!
Going to put that on a list of things to do.

Reading about your memories has brought a smile across my face. I can sense the geniune happiness you must had shared in your travels. My H and I have always travelled with friends or family. We don't have that many just the two of us moments to recall. I am sorry those moments are bittersweet now.

Bombs away, I say!!!

I am sure I can find info online on how to make the bombs.

B was saying that he'd been thinking about how he'll act around H, and decided that despite the fact he has every right to treat H with utter contempt, instead he's gonna try and be perfectly civil. H always goes around a shakes everyone's hand after each game, (H is the team captain), and B said that if he comes up and offers a handshake, that he'll just happily shake his hand as if nothing were wrong at all. I said that was probably the best tactic, because it wouldn't be what he'd be expecting, and would probably mess with his head, and maybe prompt him to think about things a bit if B acted like there wasn't a thing wrong.

I agree it is a great idea. It will make him look deeper into his reality of the situation.

Now that I realise that this will all be happening on VDay of all days, I can't wait to hear from my B as to how it all goes down, because OW may very well be there to spend VDay night with H, (mind you, if my suspicions are correct, then OW will already be there, because I think she may be one of the girls on the football team).

Let us know as well.

I've decided that my response to the property settlement letter from H's lawyer will basically be a letter asking that some of the points be clarified. Things like where the $2500 cash payout figure comes from, (though dad and I reckon we've worked that one out already anyway, I'd still like to hear it from the lawyer), clarifying that the "furniture/whitegoods" I get to keep includes electrical items like the TV, computer etc. And finally, letting them know that they got my name wrong. First of all, they used the title "Ms" as opposed to "Mrs", which I assume was H's doing, because he knows I go by Mrs, but doesn't want to think of me as his Mrs anymore. They also spelled my first name incorrectly, which I have to assume was their own clerical error, because I'd hate to think that after 10 years, H could spell my first name incorrectly! Dad actually joked that I should just not respond to the letter, and then when they question me about it, I should just say, "What letter? That letter? But that wasn't addressed to my name, so I assumed it wasn't for me and didn't read it."

That is a good idea. Prompt him to give more thought to the matter and I might try your Father's suggestion.

[Ophelia]

Don't know if this could be classified as an interesting development or not, but H's mobile phone bill got delivered here yesterday. At least I think it's his mobile bill, (haven't opened it), because it's from the phone company and is the same thickness as his mobile bills usually are.

I know for a fact that he had the mobile, home phone, and internet bills, (all through the same company) on an automatic payment thing. When he was looking into getting his name taken off the home phone account, (I still haven't filled in those forms), he told me that he'd spoken to them and had the auto payment for the home phone and internet switched off, seeing as how he wasn't gonna be paying them anymore. I had assumed that at the same time, he would have gotten the address on his mobile bill switched so that they went to his parents' place instead of coming here.

So either he did ask them to do that and they've made a mistake in sending it here. Or he didn't ask them to change the address, and if so, then I've gotta wonder why.

I haven't opened it. I've opened his previous couple of mobile bills that have come here since he left, just to check that they were his bills, and not one that I should be paying. Haven't done the same with this one....yet. I'm totally itching too, though, just to see if there's a certain number that pops up repeatedly. Not that it'd do me much good if there was, because I still wouldn't know who the number belonged to. Must. Resist. Urge. To. Snoop!

You are right. It is breathtakingly beautiful!
Going to put that on a list of things to do.

The whole of NZ is gorgeous, and well worth a visit. We covered a pretty huge area on that trip. We started in Auckland and drove SE through the countryside with rolling green hills. We went to thermal reserves and saw everything from bubbling pools of mud to geysers. We went to that location I posted the link to, which was like being on another planet. We walked through rainforests, saw waterfalls, went on a boat ride through caves with millions of glowworms covering the ceiling! We climbed up part of a volcano. We went to the South Island and visited H's aunt and uncle, (MIL is from NZ), then went whale watching. You can stand on the beach and turn around and see snowcapped mountains. Totally trippy! We drove through remote, open plains covered in dry grass, and through forests of massive trees. We got in a little plane and flew over part of the Southern Alps. We'd stayed that night in Wanaka, (a little skiing village near Queenstown, but we were there in summer), and the place we were staying had a view right out over the lake, with the mountains (the ones we flew over the next day) as the backdrop. I've got a glorious photo of the sunset in that spot.
(Edited to add that I dug up a couple of our Wanaka photos:
This one is the sunlight shining on the lake.
This one is the sunset. The high, pointy mountain is Mt Aspiring. That's the one we flew over the top of in a little plane the following day.)

Reading about your memories has brought a smile across my face. I can sense the geniune happiness you must had shared in your travels. My H and I have always travelled with friends or family. We don't have that many just the two of us moments to recall. I am sorry those moments are bittersweet now.

The other big trip we did together was our honeymoon. Had a few days in Hong Kong, then flew to the UK. A few days in London, then about a week driving around the south of England. Then we hopped over to Ireland and drove around there for a week or so, too. All these wonderful places I've seen, but when I think about them now, I just feel that pang of sadness because it's something we did together.

Bombs away, I say!!!

I am sure I can find info online on how to make the bombs.

I'm sure we could! I went shopping for my mum's b'day present yesterday, (it's her b'day on VDay), and had to look at all the love hearts everywhere.

I agree it is a great idea. It will make him look deeper into his reality of the situation.

Here's hoping that's the reaction he'll have. It's been raining here for a past couple of days. If it keeps up tomorrow, football might end up being cancelled, so B won't be able to go and interact with H afterall. Will let you know what ends up happening though.

That is a good idea. Prompt him to give more thought to the matter and I might try your Father's suggestion.

I like dad's suggestion too, I'm just worried that it might get me in deep doo doo if I just ignore the letter. We're gonna finish up the letter tomorrow and that way they should get it on deadline day. I really wish I could just ask him to drop this legal crap, because it's so unecessary, but the best I can do right now is just try to draw the process out for a little bit longer.

[Ophelia]

Well, my brother saw H tonight at football.

One of our friends, let's call him T, who is also on the team is someone I'm positive H would be confiding every little detail to. T came up to B and cheerfully said they were glad he was back on the team, and asked why he hadn't been there the last couple of weeks. B diplomatically said that he just hadn't felt like playing. T then asked him again, and got the same response, then tried asking a third time, and got the same response again. I said to B that T was probably trying to bait him to get a nasty (but honest) answer out of him, so it's a good thing he didn't react.

One of our other friends, let's call him J, had been happily chatting away to my B. A few minutes later he casually said to H, whilst B was standing practically right next to them, "So did you get anything for VDay?" Now J isn't the brightest of boys, so maybe that explains why he was silly enough to ask such a thing with my B clearly within earshot. B told me that H just gave J a "look", then tried to inconspicuously nod and tell him that yes, he did get something for VDay. B thought the whole thing was rather hilarious, and I must say I got a laugh out of it too. At least he's still got some kind of a conscience if he freaked and couldn't just openly answer the question like he had nothing to hide or apologise for, I suppose.

B tried to be as upbeat and friendly as possible, though it wasn't easy, and he was basically smiling through gritted teeth. Apparently H came right up and said hi to him when he arrived, but never asked how I was.

B said that H seemed to have lost more weight since he saw him last, (part of what kickstarted his whole need to be free from me was that he lost a whole bunch of weight and in doing so felt like a whole new person who needed a whole new life....I think it's what triggered the MLC to be honest). B said that H's legs were about as thin as mine now, and take it from me, that's pretty thin!

During the game, B threw a pass which was apparently quite hard and flew right at H's head. He said he didn't do it on purpose, but wasn't entirely disappointed about it. Apparently H looked a little freaked out, assuming it had been deliberate.

H seemed to be in a reasonably good mood, when his idiot friends weren't asking him what his girlfriend got him for VDay right in front of his brother in law, that is.

The girl who I suspect may be OW, and who almost always plays on their team, wasn't there tonight, which I find interesting.

Oh well, if anything, I hope that seeing my B has served to remind H that myself and my family do still exist, and maybe it'll make him stop and think, at least for a moment.



In other news, I posted the letter to H's lawyer tonight. Dad actually wrote it for me, so it sounds all formal and junk, (I'm not great at that kinda stuff). It basically asked for clarification on several issues, and pointed out that no proof of any kind was given as to the values quoted for various things in the letter, then at the end says:

Given all of the above, it is difficult for me to consider whether the proposed settlement is equitable. I would appreciate it if you could supply the further information mentioned above.

I was discussing it with my sister tonight, and we realised that no doubt when they get this letter, they'll want to have another meeting with H...which he'll have to pay for. Oh well, it's his own damn fault if he ends up having to pay 100s of dollars he doesn't have on legal fees. At the risk of sounding 5 years old, he started it!

[Ophelia]

Just posting the lyrics of a song that just came on the radio. The singer, Pete Murray, is an Aussie, so it's likely you haven't heard of him in other parts of the world. I'm actually not that much of a fan, but the lyrics of this song relate to how I feel about H right now....

So Beautiful

Found myself just the other day
In the backyard of a friends place,
Thinkin' about you,
Thinkin' of the crowd you're in,
What you up too where you been?
(Just thinkin')

And all the clothes that you wear,
And the colour in your hair
Shouldn't change you
Now you tell me why is it so
You're bigger than Mighty Joe,
(At least you think so)

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

Threw my smoke down on the ground,
Turned my head and I heard the sound,
(That reminded me)
Of the days so young and sweet
Always so much fun to me
(At least I thought so)

Now you think you're so damn fine
You can rule the world - no not mine,
I don't think so

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care

You know the scene that you're in,
And the people that you've been with
Just get to me,
But you think I'm not as cool,
As you are so beautiful
Well who you fooling?

Well I'm here to tell you babe
The game you're in is just a game
So damn pretentious

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

You think you're so beautiful
(So beautiful)

[Ophelia]

Just a totally random musing....

I wonder if H watched "Lost" tonight. It's a show we're both really into. We get the eps on TV here in Australia several months after they're shown in the US, so because we both got hooked after season 1, we downloaded the season 2 eps as they aired in the US because we didn't wanna wait several months to see them. I've been downloading the season 3 eps so far, but H hasn't been around to watch them of course. Anyway, tonight was the season 3 premiere on Aussie TV, so I wonder if H watched.

The reason I'm wondering is that - in case you don't watch the show - this episode shows flashbacks to a time in Jack's life where he was in the midst of getting a D. It had been established in previous episodes that his wife had been having an A and so left him and asked him for a D, which he contested.

Anyway, in the ep that was shown here tonight, we see Jack going out of his mind because she won't tell him the name of the guy she's seeing. When they meet at the lawyer's office, he tells her that he fired his lawyer, and that she could keep everything if she wanted, he just needed to know the name of the man who was sleeping with his wife, (actually, he wants to find out everything, like even when the first time they kissed was) but she refused to tell him, and he was such a mess over it he actually suspected that the man may be his own father. Turns out it wasn't his father, but Jack never did get that name.

Jack was just so miserable over the whole thing. It was seriously eating him up inside and making him look like hell on the outside. I so hope H was watching! Added bonus would be if he was watching it with OW. Nothing like an ep of a sci-fi type show to give you a slap in the face about reality.

At the end of the ep, we see Jack in present time, trapped on the Island, being held captive. One of his captors tells him that they know everything about him, and everyone else in his life as well, including his XW. He's asked if there's anything in particular he'd like to know about her. He hesitates, then instead of asking OM's name, he just asks, "Is she happy?", and he's told that yes, she is.

Here's hoping I don't have to wait a few years then be held captive on a mysterious island before I can get to the point where I no longer have any interest whatsoever in finding out OW's name. I'm not obsessing over it nearly as much as I was now that I'm pretty sure I've figured out who it's likely to be, but it'd be nice to one day to know if I'm on the money with my suspicion.

[4ever_Regretful]

Hi Ophelia,

Sorry I have not been on the BB lately. Had some trouble with my login.

I would count the mobile bill coming to the home a positive. Call it denial, but I rather see things on the bright side.
You can discount it later if you like.

Thank you for sharing the additional pictures of NZ. They look like paintings. Can you believe I am inspired to take up painting? I should add that onto my list of things to learn.
Hey, if I am successful I will send you a painting of NZ when I visit.

As for your H being embrassed about answering about receiving a Vday gift, I find that amusing too. Shows he still may have a heart, no matter how small it is. And that he may be more aware that the sitch he is putting you in is not acceptable.

Thank you for sharing the song by Pete Murray. I am going to look into getting myself a copy.

I agree that watching an eps on tv that relates to your current sitch may open your H eyes to what he is doing.

Hope the above has not been too confusing due to the lack of quotes from your original posts.

Take care.

[Ophelia]

No worries, 4ever!

I'm not gonna mention the mobile bill to him, (not like I could anyway, seeing as how we're not communicating at all), not gonna bother forwarding it on to his parents' place. If it was meant to show up there, then eventually he might ask me if it came here by mistake. We'll see if his next bill shows up here as well. That'll be the real test.

You definitely need to see NZ one day. A long way to come for you, but well worth the trip.

I was really into painting in high school. Had this one art teacher who was totally cool, one of those teachers that's so cool that their students call them by their first name. She was Scottish, and one day said to me in her broad Scottish accent, "Oh, you're going to be a famous woman artist one day!" Well, that woulda been nice, but it hasn't exactly happened.

I'm not so much into painting on canvas these days, but I'll paint on pretty much anything else I can get my hands on. I'm working on this little table right now, which I've been working on for what feels like ages. I got it into my head that it looked like it should be painted up in the style of a Tibetan antique, with lots of bright colours and little gold motifs of lotus blossoms, etc on the sides, and with a mosaic pattern on the top. I'll post some photos when it's finished, (whenever that may be). I'm hoping I'll be able to find some sucker to pay me an obscene amount of money for it.

I really hope there does come a day when H realises that what he's doing isn't acceptable. It's a good sign that he knew it was wrong to talk about it in front of my brother, but it's kinda hard to focus on the positives when I've got the huge negative of still no contact from him after almost an entire month slapping me in the face.

I've been feeling sorry for myself today. Been missing him like crazy. I think of the possibility of never feeling his arms wrapped around me again. Never kissing him again. And it seems so overwhelming that I can hardly breathe.

Then to top it all off, the washing machine decided not to work today, which didn't help my already crappy mood! It'll fill with water, then not actually do the washing action. Needless to say, it got a bit of a beating from me today. Didn't help the washing machine work any better, but it made me feel a little bit better.

I tell ya, it's my birthday on Thursday, and I'm seriously considering asking my parents to get me a punching bag and gloves. Those days when I tell myself I need to do some exercise, but just don't feel like it because I'm having a crappy, depressing day....if I had a punching bag, it wouldn't matter if I felt like crap, in fact it'd be a good thing if I felt like crap, because I'd punch the everloving crap outta that bag! Exercise and therapy in one, gotta love that!

[Walking]

Ophelia, I really feel for you and I sincerely know what you are going through and how painful it is.

Girl, you need to start doing some things for yourself. You need to exercise - simply because it makes you feel happier. You need to get out and meet friends and spend more time with your family. Moping around and grieving is only making this worse for you.

This is an opportunity in your life to turn things around. Shake them up. No magic Mr Happiness is going to knock on your door, you've got to get out there and make it happen for you.

How are your goals going?

Think about the woman you were before you started seeing your husband. Think about what it was about you that attracted him to you. Now go and get that back.

It's time to get a life and make it a good one.

I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but I just hear you talking over and over about how sad you are, but I'm not hearing much of what you are doing to manage that.

This is about you. It's about your life and what you are going to do to make it remarkable.

Go on .... you can do it.

[Walking]

Ophelia, I really feel for you and I sincerely know what you are going through and how painful it is.

Girl, you need to start doing some things for yourself. You need to exercise - simply because it makes you feel happier. You need to get out and meet friends and spend more time with your family. Moping around and grieving is only making this worse for you.

This is an opportunity in your life to turn things around. Shake them up. No magic Mr Happiness is going to knock on your door, you've got to get out there and make it happen for you.

How are your goals going?

Think about the woman you were before you started seeing your husband. Think about what it was about you that attracted him to you. Now go and get that back.

It's time to get a life and make it a good one.

I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but I just hear you talking over and over about how sad you are, but I'm not hearing much of what you are doing to manage that.

This is about you. It's about your life and what you are going to do to make it remarkable.

Go on .... you can do it.
_________________________
Virginia

[Ophelia]

Thanks for the encouragement, Walkingback.

When H and I first met, we were 18. So those 10 years we spent together were during the time when you're really defining who you are. As such, it's hard for me to see myself as being separate from H. We did a lot of growing up together, so I see who I am as being intrinsically linked to him. I've never lived on my own. Never been truely independent emotionally or financially or anything like that.

I have actually been having a fair amount of good days lately, it's just that on a regular basis he still pops into my head. Weekends are the worst, because I figure that he's probably spending every moment from Friday night til Sunday night with OW. I was having a pretty good night on Friday, kicking back and watching some Better Homes and Gardens, and doing some painting, then outta nowhere I all of a sudden wondered what H was doing, figured he was probably with OW, and it got me down.

I've started clearing this weed patch out the back of our place. It's actually separated from our backyard by a low, chainlink fence, but as far as I know it's still our property because the council never comes to tend to it or anything. If we owned this place, I would have wanted to invest some money into landscaping it properly, but instead it's just gotten overgrown with grass and weeds and bamboo and it looks horrible. I've always wanted to at least go and rip it all out by hand and mulch the whole area to try and stop all the weeds growing back. H always thought it would be a pointless exercise. So I've decided to make it my mission to get the whole thing done, no matter how long it takes, (and it's gonna take a while). The past week I've gone out there a few times to start ripping it all out. Let me tell you, bamboo has a seriously vicious root system. They're thick and tough and long and a bitch to pull out. Very satisfying when you do actually manage to completely rip one out though.

I tried this technique for printing photos onto fabric last week. I'm hoping that if I can figure it out that I'll be able to print out some of my abstract photos (here's an example) and turn them into bags which I could then try selling on ebay, or maybe get a stall at the markets, (a friend and I had a market stall years back and it ended up being a momumental waste of time and money, so I'm a bit wary of that option but it would get me out of the house and keep me busy on weekends). I've got a little sketch of how I might do the beaded strap on the bags, and I've looked into getting prices for materials. It's just a matter of mastering the art of printing my photos onto the fabric. First try didn't work so well so I'll have to figure out where I went wrong and give it another go.

I'm gonna call up my friends who hosted the Australia Day BBQ and see if the W wants to come over for lunch one day. They've still got the bowl I made the potato salad in for the BBQ, and we just left it that I'd go over there or she'd come over here for lunch one day and we'd do the bowl exchange then. She's always at home with their new baby these days, so I thought I'd invite her over for lunch so she can get out of the house.

Next Friday should be good. That's the night I'm going to see CATS with my best friend.

I plan on making a mango cheesecake this week sometime. My best friend and I will be able to hoe into it and wash it down with several glasses of wine when she comes over on Friday. Never made one before, but there's a mango tree in our yard and I picked close to a hundred of them over the last few months, so I've got all this frozen mango pulp to use up, and I found the cheesecake recipe and decided it sounded quite yum!

I've started cooking proper dinners for myself recently. For a while before H left, I'd gotten into cooking new things every week for dinner. Started collecting cooking mags so I could always try something different. Haven't done any of that since H left though. There just doesn't seem like much point when it's just me, and there's no point in buying all the different ingredients when most of it will go to waste. Wouldn't mind making a nice curry or something for example, but even the smallest tub of yoghurt I could buy is still 4 times too much for what I'd need and I wouldn't get around to using the rest before it goes off. I actually thought how great it'd be if someone sold stuff like that in single serves. Like, you could go and buy a few tablespoons full of this, and so many grams of that and half a red onion and 1 spring onion, (everywhere just sells them in massive bunches), 1/8 of a bunch of spinach....just enough for making enough for one person without there having to be a whole lot of waste. Anyway, I have started doing some more involved things for dinner lately. Made myself a little beef casserole from scratch the other night, stuff like that. Nothing hugely fancy, but still going to a little bit of effort to make myself something nice for dinner now and then. Of course, there are also still nights when I couldn't be bothered and just throw a frozen pizza in the oven.

Oh, and one last thing, I am seeing my family on a regular basis. Go to my parents' place for dinner once a week and my brother and/or sister are usually there as well. Am considering asking the in laws if they want to come over for lunch sometime because I haven't seen MIL in nearly a month and it's been even longer since I saw FIL. Also considering asking one of my SIL if she and one of my little nephews would like to come over. She and her H are the only B/SIL I've actually seen and spoken to since H left, (at a book launch MIL had organised, I ended up crying in the loos for 10 minutes and when I came out with my bloodshot eyes, SIL made me feel better). She said to let her know if I wanted her and my nephew to come over sometime to visit, and I'd like to take her up on that if she's still up for it, (it was a couple months back that I saw them).