One thing I can definetely say is to stick up for her to the parents and do it in front of her.
I did this early on in my sitch. So long ago that I had forgotten about it. But looking back it threw such a monkey wrench in who my wife thought I was that she really had to step back and take a look. At that point for me the confusion it created was good. Might very well have been a major starting point for us. There was much more to come after that but maybe it wouldn't have come without that.
Just the other day my wife told me how she is trying to break the habit of saying "YOUR MOTHER..." When reffering to my mother and to reffer to her by her first name. She says she is making sure not to blame me for my mother. She corrects herself on this all the time now. That has to be a good thing.
