It's been a few months, I DB'd my butt off, it has worked. He is staying nights, now says he is coming home next week...He says he is afraid, he wants a companion, a friend, a wife that has his back. He didn't want this, ya,ya.The problem is,I am feeling resentful and angry.He's even saying he will leave again,will divorce if things don't work out.In my other threads I spoke about his pattern of running and leaving..I'm going to give this my all but I am not convinced this will be his last time.Help!!!!
I can certainly relate to the feelings of resentment and anger. Maybe there are some who have gone through this who can comment. I found reading the success stories to be encouragingg.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Well, first you need to see a counselor...together and separately. You really should insist on it before he comes home...but it doesn't always work out that way.
He is not coming home for the right reasons YET. He's putting the burden of proof on you. And if you don't work out...I'm outta here. You are not a car and this relationship is not a test drive.
But I am not saying that you shouldn't let him home...that is your decision. Until the last time, I alwasy let Sweetheart come home when he said he was ready. I did this prepared that he may not be ready and could very possibly leave again...and he still could. He left and returned 6 times. Hopefully he's home to stay. But if not, I know what to do and I know he will eventually home permanently...I go about life as though he is staying.
So if you do not want to divorce, you love your husband and you want to Stand for your marriage...accept that he is not ready and that a temporary return may be a necessary part of his journey. And maybe he will not leave again...prepare for anything...best and worst, while putting faith that he will eventually come through this.
You said it's been a few months and you've DB'd your butt off. I hate to tell you this, but that is just not very long...and if this is MLC, he isn't ready. Sweetheart became stronger with each return...they were beneficail and I accepted that. MLC takes a few years. When Sweetheart moved home (okay to the neighbours cause I didn't let him home that time since he wasn't ready) the first time it was 5 months post bomb abd 3.75 months after moving out of the house. That is like a blink in MLC time.
Don't let yourself be deluded because you are seeing early progresss and you've been a good DBer. Sure, maybe thing will proceed in a nice and easy manner toward reconciliation...but I wouldn't place a bet on that. It just isn't that easy.
I'm not trying to be pessimistic..trust me, I'm the Pollyanna around here. But I do want you to know what you're up against.
