To be clear I haven't felt in the least that Cobra or NOP didn't welcome a different POV. I think that being "to the point" is great and I don't have an issue with that at all. I think the disclaimers are important and needed because I thought that is exactly what NOP skipped. His comment was that I was "instructing" Lord G to not snoop after I felt I specifically said in italics to take all I wrote with a grain of salt and to just read it and see if it applied. To the point would have just been to reiterate his opinion that snooping was called for in this case. ( and it very well may be, I don't really think I can state absolutely one way or another) But instead NOP specifically stated that I was instructing Lord G after I thought I had clearly stated that my comments were to be read as my opinion.
And I'm not trying to be overly dramatic. I just started to feel that my comments were read the way I intended and I really don't want to "waste" anyone's time and, I guess, especially my own:)
And please don't take my comment about Lord G consider where to post his story as a comment about people here. The only concern I had was about his purpose in DBing. This is a great generalization that will probably get me in trouble but in my opinion some of the people who post here have different goals than the typical DBing goal. To be clear, there is NOTHING "wrong" with that. No one should feel like they necessarily have to stay in a marriage especially after an affair. It's just that some of us felt strongly that we wanted to stay in our marriages and what we sought on the boards were people to help us stay grounded in our decision and not to give us the "how dare they", "I wouldn't stand for that", "you don't deserve that", etc. lines. After all I think everyone knows that we don't deserve to be treated badly. In our cases we were searching for people that could help us focus on ourselves and stay on track for ourselves to meet our greater goal of keeping the marriage intact.
I have ended up reading posts here because I know Burgbud, respect his insights and appreciate his POV which in many cases is different than mine. I've also followed Heather's sitch from a distance and our personal (thought not situational) similarities are interesting to me.
Plus I'm interested in never ever being in a dysfunctional relationship again and I think that proactively thinking about this stuff can reduce the chances of that happening. I am trying to strike that balance of being proactive and aware and just plain old living life!!
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
