Hey babay...... It happens to the best of us, which you definately are. Don't look at it as a negative. Sometimes these MLCers need a kick in the @$$. And you kicked a field goal sweety. I bet you felt better after you unloaded though.... Don't answer his answers. Let him squirm. Make sure he sees that you are doing good. No more anger for a while. It will drive him nutz(er).
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
You did what you had to. Be proud of the amazing woman you are. You have fought hard and protected your son. And we all know that the ow does squirm when she reads your name. She could never live up to you. How, you feel about puffy may or may not change. Someday, he will understand what he has done and what he has lost. Please do not leave this board. You need to be here and you are cherished here. My heart bleeds for you and the pain you are in. Let me hug you, then go have a drink and cry or do whatever you need to do.
I have done exactly the same thing, more than once, in these last almost two years. Different words, slightly different message, but the exact same intensity. Please do not spend one more second feeling bad about it. DB is an ideal that we strive for, it is not something we can do perfectly, or even well, day in and day out.
I'm with angelica, it worries me a little about his denial of the half-brother problem, but that is not your worry for the immediate future.
D-bing does not mean being a doormat, or keeping your mouth shut, or not having your say.
I totally agree with this comment.
In my opinion, whilst our partners are detaching from us, prior to the bomb, they are loosing respect for us. Every small indiscretion on our part, is magnified in their minds, and more respect is lost.....until the bomb drop.
At the time of the bomb, course we all do the pleading and begging, which makes matters worse as more respect is lost.
The longer and more we act like doormats, the worse it gets, until such time that the worm turns.
By standing up to your beliefs, as you have, helps to build up that respect again.
You cannot love someone, you do not respect them.
The MLCer will not like it initialy, but in a couple of days, things will be calmer again.
Just my opinion!
oh and Lissett honey, your not going anywhere. That is an order.
Everything has been about said. Puffy is an idiot right now. What you said to him was fabulous - the truth. The truth will set your heart free to feel again and to love again. Sometimes we have to get to the point where enough is enough. That despite their demons and problems, we have to protect ourselves, our children, and our hearts. One day puff diddly squat will wake up and realize what he did. You probably will have moved on but he will have a lifetime of consequences for his behaviors.
As far as you going to a different board. I need you here. Your wisdom on this subject is priceless.
Hugs my dear.
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
DBing is a good cover for 'self help'. That has always been my take on this. You make yourself bettter learning along the way how to interact in different ways with people, specifically your spouse and look sometimes this f-ing crazy person comes back to the new improved you.
By the way you already knew no one here was going to let you go, but I am so glad that everyone was so insistant that you stay.
So...just cause I like to be different : ) I think you should go. Just kidding. Lis, we are all hypocritss here at times. All my good advice is what I KNOW I should be doing, but I do not always follow the advice I give...I think we all have that problem. So just because you believe you are getting a divorce doesn't mean you can't bhe here anymore.
You are the QUEEN of detachment, so you have to stay, your subjects will not let you leave.
We all love you here Lis, you really are the life of this board.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
