I had the A, how to regain trust?

[LoginName]

I should move this back to Piecing, or maybe to separated, I don't know. I say this partly because I now think that my A really doesn't play into my sitch much. I don't think this is an infidelity issue.

My W and I had a few talks the last few days. As is usual, it takes a while after the talk for some of what she said to sink in.

Here's the part that is sinking in: she wants to separate from me. She won't say divorce, she says she isn't thinking of that at all. She doesn't know what she wants (at least that is what she tells me) and she needs the time, and maybe the space to figure out what she wants.

This weekend, she went to her mom's in a neighboring state, with my daughter. My son and I are home. So I've time to think. I don't like it. I called my best friend, who has gone through a divorce. He said that maybe separation is best for both of us. She needs the space and can't think or decide with me always here. I need to find out that I can survive on my own, rediscover myself and what I like and what I want. He thinks I should support a separation.

What do you, any of you, think?

On the one hand, I see his point, and her point. On the other hand, separation seems so final and a step in a direction I don't want to go. I admit, I'm afraid of being without her. And, what about the kids? I don't want to leave them, even for the weekend, or longer.

If we separate, I don't think I should leave the house or the kids. I think if it's her idea to separate, she should move out. What do you all think? I'm tempted to say I'll move out and let her have the kids full time. Would that give me a better chance to discover myself. Would it help her decide what she wants?

Then there is the job and money issue. She hasn't worked for a number of years. She is within two months of earning her Phd. She is applying for jobs and some of those jobs are out of state. What if she moves out of state? What if she goes back to the OM? Oh god, This is not fun. I think that once she has a job, she will want to separate. She can't take the kids out of state. The kids love their schools and friends and grandparents. She wouldn't want to move them. If I’m home as a single parent, how would I be able to manage getting the kids to school, etc. and work? When she left in October, my job let me alter my hours and I was able to do it all. Work has changed a little. It won’t be as easy now.

Should I support her desire to separate? First, I should confirm that this is how she feels. But assuming it is accurate, should I support it? I want to do what’s best for the kids. What would that be? Obviously, for their parents to reconcile and commit to the M, but if that’s not possible for a while, what would be best?