I thought back to when we first met, and he had a couple of other girls interested in him. Was I bitchy and jealous around him? Oh no no no...I turned on the charm. So that's what I did.
From what you wrote, I think it worked. He may have felt guilty for not giving you a valentine card and apologized for not getting you anything but he didn't have to wish you a Happy V Day and he certainly didn't have to give you a kiss.
I think you are correct in saying that when you flirted in the past he may not have been ready for it but also remember to do it in small doses so that he doesn't feel like you are in control of his feelings. If the feelings grow gradually, he will not realize what may be happening and by the time he does, he may realize that home with you and the kids is where he wants to be.
If there is OW, don't even think about it as it does you no good to go there. Since you don't know whether or not there is one, act like there isn't.
I'm so glad you still had a chance to go out and enjoy yourself. It is great that you and your Mom are able to spend quality time together.
Hugs,
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
I wasn't aware you could call Jim Conway. Is is expensive? Just wondering what his take on my situation would be.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
COG: I hope to hear about some steam coming out of the COG house very soon!
Mermaid:
Quote:
Also I am wondering what concerns him about the length of time. I thought mlc typically took this long anyway. I ask this because I think my h has battled depression since I have known him.
I told Conway that my H has been depressed (I think) for at least five years, posssibly 8, and off and on for 11, ever since I was pg with D10. The replay stage of MLC started about four years ago, I think, but it's hard to remember. He's been going out w/ friends w/o me and drinking a lot for a really long time. I don't think that this length of time (say, 8 yrs) is normal for MLC. It is, however, normal for untreated depression. I think that's what Conway was getting at. Hope that clarifies things for you.
Also, I think flirting in the early stages of my sitch (but not very early) is what helped him decide to break off w/ ow.
ISLH: You are so lovely to keep checking in on me. Thanks for support and words of wisdom. I really appreciate it. So what's up with you? I read your post on PL's thread. Are you feeling any better?
Jeff and Christy: Thanks for stopping by. I'm still thinking positive!!!
Luv: I think it probably ends up being about the same as the DB coaches if you talk for that length of time. I'm not really comfortable talking about it here, as I don't think it's really appropriate. You can check out his website and contact his secretary; she can give you the details.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Thanks, nicola. What you posted was enough information. I didn't expect a specific amount.
Glad it helped. I have the disadvantage of not being able to afford anything that is not covered under my insurance plan.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
H was over to take care of the kids on Thursday. He ate dinner here and asked me before I left if I'd like him to put the leftovers away. I said yes, and came home to the dishwasher working away and the leftover chicken in the fridge!
The kids are with him today and tomorrow, but not sleeping there b/c he has some work event on. So this morning, I went to a toning class at the gym w/ S5 in tow (D10 was at a sleepover). H came to pick him up in the middle of the class, so he got to see me in my cute yoga pants and tight top!! Since it's so cold, the idea of showing skin on a regular basis is not top of my list! This was a good opportunity.
In terms of ME, I'm working at making myself exercise more. Well, more than nothing! I am really bad in the winter b/c I normally walk a lot, but I don't even do much of that. I went to yoga yesterday, and then the class today. I will be in pain tomorrow, but I am determined to do this.
I'm also working at improving my diet. I do not eat enough veggies and fruits. I am doing a detox today, and just having fresh fruit and veg, salads and juices. Plus I had brown rice for lunch.
I'm certainly healthier than I was when H first left and got super-skinny. My weight is good now, but my health could be better. I am making that a priority.
Goals:
Eat healthy * Cut back to max 1 cup of coffee a day (I'm currently drinking 2-3) * Drink two bottles of water * Eat at least one fresh fruit with each meal, and two veg with dinner
Exercise 3-4 times a week * Put times in agenda
Keep up with work * Do marking instead of frittering time away on DB boards!! * Put specific goals and times in agenda
Keep up with house * Follow plans
Grow spiritually * Pray and meditate in the morning (I only do this at night and often fall asleep!) * Do Rick Warren's exercises
Support my children * Continue to work at getting D into bed at a reasonable hour * Continue to work at getting S ihto his own bed
Support H * Be there for him if he wants to talk * Follow his lead re. conversations
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Keep up with work * Do marking instead of frittering time away on DB boards!! * Put specific goals and times in agenda
Boy, can I relate to this. I have things right now that I should be doing But where am I? At least I am doing better at keeping up with the housework.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I think you have great goals that really span all aspects of YOUR life.
You have inspired me to pull my list together.
(BTW, I can totally to the healthy eating thing. Now that my appetite is long back, I cant tell myself anymore that eating something is better than nothing. Hmmm, veggies here I come!)
OK, so I will put my list up over the next few days back on my thread.
keep on truckin'
brava
PS nice job on pulling together your info from the Conway call. I did that too once (surprise , surprise.. what have I NOT done! )and since I was not sure where I was going with the call (I think I wanted some magic phrase or advice!) I dont think he knew what exactly to focus on either.
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
Jim's practices are consistent with DBing. In fact, I learned of Jim Conway through the DB board. In addition, other groups such as Covenant Keepers and Rejoice Ministries are also consistent with these practices.
Jim's methods add the spiritual element to the DB priciples.
Where I look at DBing as 'technique,' Jim adds faith to technique. It's a very powerful combination. You are advised as to what to do, then given the strength, through faith, to trust the process and 'be still.' As Tom Petty said, "The waiting is the hardest part." Faith is what gives us the courage to persevere.
With regard to what BND said, this is not an exact science. You cannot necessarily add A + B and get C. Your spouse may not come back. HOWEVER, by applying these methods you present yourself with the best chance of that happening, plus you become a better person in the meantime. It is important to realize that every situation is different. As each individual is different, so is each MLC and each relationship. Use other peoples' experience as guidance, but do not assume, either positively or negatively, that your situation will turn out the same.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
But where am I? At least I am doing better at keeping up with the housework. 
)
)and since I was not sure where I was going with the call (I think I wanted some magic phrase or advice!) I dont think he knew what exactly to focus on either.