how to keep calm and patient??

[Jen_Jam]

Hi IP

Oh yes...that old ILYBINILWY - how I grew to hate that phrase
Both of my threads on here are when we were reconciling....H moved out in on 5th Sept 2005 (the worst day of my life ever) and moved back in about 2 months later.
He said he loved me again in December, but I messed it all up by being angry (this was before I found the DR book and this site) so I got my second bomb at the end of March 2006.
H during that time didn't want a D but had no idea how to stay together.
It took from April 2006 to about October 2006 before I got ILY's. During that time I took care of myself first and foremost. My H had problems of his own, yes our R was bad but once I'd sorted that out (I mean, sorted MYSELF out) and he admitted that our R was "as it should be" then he still had his own problems.
Maybe it wouldn't hurt to ask H was his problems are? I mean in a caring way, careful how you approach him, put in it a waiver like "putting our M problems aside for a moment, how do YOU feel?" He may say he doesn't know, my H was like this for a LOOOONG time, if so accept he's in a bubble having problems communicating.

IP it's that old buddy patience again...what makes you happy in life that doesn't involve/depend on your H? Do that for a while...well, for months.

If you get the chance check out SDFoundGirl;s threads - she had to put a lot of her own feelings on hold for a long time, she is a model of GAL and detachment. Sh was a great inspiration to me.