I usually post over on the SSM board but thought I would see what’s going on elsewhere and pulled up your thread. What I am hearing is that you seem to want to avoid any responsibility of being the bad guy. Contrary to Piglet’s thought’s, you are the only reason your wife and parents interact at all. If not for you she would never have to talk to them. The fact that she puts up with ANY abuse from them at all is testament to some level of devotion to you. Have you acknowledged this to her?
You talking in the third person also bothers me, and don’t give me the excuse that you want to remain anonymous. Anonymity has nothing to do with first or third person. Start speaking in terms of “I” and accept you role in the marriage. My bet is that you do a similar deflection with your wife and she feels abandoned for it. Might have something to do with her walking.
At some point in any man’s life, he must make a decision about who he is going to stand by – his mother or his wife. Sometimes he can have both, if the two get along well. But in your case I don’t see that working. You need to make it clear to your parents that you side with your wife, you give her your devotion, you will not tolerate any more derogatory remarks about her, and that if necessary, you will start to lower your contacts with them. And you need to say this to them WITH YOUR WIFE PRESENT. That will bury that issue once and for all.
The bigger problem IMO, is why are you reluctant to stand up and lead as the man? Have you read “Way of the Superior Man” by David Dieda? If not, I suggest you order it ASAP. He is discussed often, along with other authors, on the SSM board. I suspect your wife’s behavior has a lot to do with how you feel about you, she is just having to deal with the consequences of that and she does not like it.
SventheRed,
You are right about the importance of examining your FOO. You will get a lot more on how you interact with your wife if you drop the “Men are from Mars” stuff and pick up Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch.
