So much has been said. I have not Db'd, I have not kept my mouth shut. I have stood up for myself, for the first time in 12 years to Javier, and it was not pretty.
Javier and I had a rocky marriage, it was good, it was bad, it was really bad.
The ow, is a lady that Javier claimed was only his friend at first. She has been around since he first left last February.
She works where he works, as a receptionist i think. She was left by her husband, and has 3 children. I have her name, her phone number and her address.
info falls in to our laps right.
Anyway, Puffy, told me that, he left me b/c i treated him like crap for 12 years. He told me that I am psycho, and all sort of bad words.
He said that this ow is not the reason, he left, he left me b/c of me. I said do you know that you have done the exact same thing your father has done
Puffy's father left the mother, never paid 1 dime in child support, his OW has 3 kids by 3 different men, and he married her.
They are now mormon and live in Utah, he has been "happily" married to the OW for over 20 years now. They have 1 son together, and this is where the pay back comes in, this son, has many many problems, even tho Puffy's dad and his wife are in denial.
This boy has so many problems,, that he is not allowed in my home or next to my children, I think you are starting to see that this boy, Javier's halfo brother, like "touching" other boys.
Instead of Javier being on my side about this, he turned the other cheek, and just got very upset with me that I didn't let his father and his wife and his son stay at my home, even tho, this brother of his, tried to touch my son.
This matter is something that Puffy refused to discuss, it was something else he swept under the rug, and I again was a cray phsyco, b/c i just could not let it go.
Well I told puffy, look this ow is not meeting my kids, and he had the nerve to tell me we will see about that.
I went off on him i was shaking so hard.
I said you have abandoned us and now youa re comitting adultery, that is 2 strikes against you in the eyes of the NJ law. even tho puffy thinks he has not done this.
he is in denial.
i said thi ow is a bandaid for you, to lick you little wounds that have come out,now. I don't blame her really, you pop up in work with your new boy band clothes and new cell phones, and she thinks she has won the jack pot, someone to take care of her and her 3 kids.
poor whore doesn't know that you won't have a pot to piss in , after the lawyer is thru with you.
To bad for you really Puffy, you think that this divorce is going to solve your problems, just like you thought that leaving the house will solve your problems, funny, you still feel like dying right? that is why you always ask me for different medications.
From now on the whore can get them for you.
You say our kids are just fine right, why, bc the whores kids seem fine? ofcourse they have you around.
but now my kids get ripped off, you are less than a part time dad, how can you look at them in the face, knowing you are buying pets and stuff for the whores kids, and your kids cry b/c they miss you
he said i will get you in court if you do anything to ow
i said me do anything to ow? puhleese, she has my sloppy seconds, how does she love to see my name tatooed on your body, when she is with you.
she must love to read Lissett every time.
I said i will have more than 100 witnesses on my side saying i am a wonderful mother, and provider, i will have reports from a thereapist stating how our beautiful son, says he hates you, and if you get married again, he will never talk to you.
i will have the proof
who will defend you puffy, a whore?
she will look great in court won't she.
You have nothing on me, not one thing, the only thing you can say about me is that i fought, fought for my marriage.
So go off ride off in the sunset, with the whore and her kids.b/c soon you will crash and burn.
My dad walked in as I was having this conversation with puffy, and my dad saw me shaking, and he said I will hire 100 lawyers, i will deplete my savings, but i will no die, until he has nothing.
this whole time puffy did not say a word or cursed back at me, which is a miracle,
who knows what is going thru his mind, and who know what ammo he is trying to get now.
he will be evil.
but i had to get it off my chest.
i know it was totally anti dbing, but i am not delusional about this,
ny marriage will be over soon, and for me getting re married to puffy, is not going to happen. please don't tell me you never know, i know.
I am in shock still that this is my life. I am in shock still that puffy would do this to me. He always hated when men would do this, and he has done this.
my entire family knows now about the ow. and they are done with puffy. they have always been nice to him thru out this year,but that is it. he called my brother last night, and my brother picked up the phone and hung uo, puffy will soon see, that he has no support when it comes to my family anymore.
and they have gone over and beyond for him.
his path of destruction has reached tremendous heights.
there is no turning back now.
onward with the divorce, and the nastyness.
please don't tell me i have to leave this board, and go to Divorced forum.
bleh
i love you all, and you are all in my prayers.
I have just been thrown for a new loop i guess, i was to detached to really feel the pain, and now the pain is unbearable, but I am working thru it as best i can with God and with you guys.
thank for letting me vent, and OMG sorry this is sooo long
Last edited by Lissett; 02/17/0704:06 PM.
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
You certainly cannot leave this board, because here is where you will find those who love you and your children, and who will do anything necessary to see you through this and happy again.
You've done what had to be done, what we ALL have felt like doing so very many times. We all know that for each of us there could come the day when we know the end has been reached. I believe all of us have things to say on that day if it should come.
I hurt for you and what you are feeling, what you have lost. But I, like so many others I know, will be here for you, strong for you. We love you sweetie, and we know what a miserable mistake your husband has made. Sometimes there is nothing we can do but allow them to self-destruct.
Your family, your children, and all your friends. These are the things you can count on forever. We will always be beside you.
Much love Lissy,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Do not even think about leaving this bb. We've been here for you and will continue to do so.
You are doing the best you can. God will help you thru all of this. You just take one day at a time.....one small step at a time.
I will not get on your case about standing or not standing. There is no room for judgment here - who am I to judge anyone? But I will be here with open arms for you to hold you and listen to you cry. And you know that everyone here will help you thru this puffy ordeal.
once you snap you can move on better. So you snapped. It's done! Now you'll breathe a little easier and you'll think a little clearer.
God will hold you always in His arms Lissette. You know I believe that with all my heart. Don't you worry - you WILL be just fine.
i love you
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
I just want to say that i admire you for standing up for yourself. Maybe it was not good DB, but who cares right?, you told Puffy exactly how you felt and i think that he deserved to hear it, after all we are only human.
Maybe now you can go back to being detached, he knows exactly how you feel and time will tell on whether what you said rang home with him. I too, have vented on a couple of occasions and it is'nt usually long before my husband is ok with me again.
I think that you have done the right thing for you and i for one am proud.
Take care
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Good for you. Don't think of it as not dbing. Sometimes dbing is doing something different. It does not matter anyway. You have to do what is right for you and your children. I know you are done with Puffy but try not to let this all get you down. You know you are a wonderful person and great mom. All this stuff he is spewing is his mlc brain spewing.
Take some time for yourself. You will be fine. There is only one way to go now and that is up. You have a great future ahead of you and such great family support.
You certainly do not and cannot leave the mlc board. We are your friends and besides you will have to deal with an mlcer for a long time to come so you will need the mlc support.
I am thinking of you and I have you in my prayers.
You have no idea, how much I relate to your recent conversation. When I found out H was with "former friend" skank ho OW. I just told him how disappointed I was in both of them and that I couldn't believe she could think this was alright since we were friends. I told him calmly that I hoped they were happy since they stepped on the back of their families to have this R.
Then when he told me she was going to start attending S17's sporting events. I flipped out and told him she was a money-grubbing b*tch and that decent women never got involved with the X of a friend. I told him that she could do whatever she wanted but she would NEVER have his children or a family like we had and she would NEVER have the history we did. I told him that she wouldn't stay around anyway. Because as soon as his money is gone, she will be gone. My H didn't stay calm or quiet through this he screamed at me, I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE....GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. I am sure he didn't even remember it later because the next time, I saw him or had contact with him, he acted as though othing had happened.
You will calm down a bit. You will not hate him or her like you do now. As for not wanting to divorce him or ever giving him another chance. I don't know that, like the MLCers we are all different and have different tolerance levels. You will heal. Leave the future of your R with Javier up to God.
I know that you did ot DB but sometimes it just has to all come out. I think about the idea of just keeping our mouths shut regardless of how hurtful our S are, sometimes just seems counter productive. Would we keep our mouths shut if our teenage children were being selfish and hurtful to us.
As far as the half-brother issue, is Javier so desparate for his father's approval to sacrifice his son. You are absolutely right about this!! As a survivor of sexual abuse, I will tell you that what you did is right. The damage from what your H's half brother could have done to your son would have never gone away. Much of the resentment I feel toward my mother comes from her not protecting me from this abuse. I am confident that you already know this, but never let your S discover that Javier did not support you on this. It could lead to issue for S that he will have a hard time dealing with. In my experience, not being protected by a parent in this kind of situation is devastating.
Go, Lissett, heal your heart, live your life, and dump on us when you need to. This is a long hard road but we will survive and despite all the problems I am having dealing with this right now. I know we will all be better for having completed this journey.
You are in my prayers and in my heart.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
We've already emailed this morning, but I'm gonna post to you here too. First of all, I have learned that these men never leave the home unless there IS someone else. It's a given. So do not listen to his poor justification that ow is not the reason he left. She most certainly is. He just kept her hidden (ashamed of her, perhaps? Yes.) very well for a year. My H pulled the same crap; she is not why I left, etc. They are unhappy and when they find someone else, they swing from the marriage into the affair, hoping we don't notice the obvious.
However, I am not at all implying that we caused them all this unhappiness. It's inside of them. At first we feel like we did something wrong to push them into someone else's sleezy arms, but eventually we realize that isn't the truth.
Now, I know you are upset right now, but you did the right thing. You 180'ed...you stood up to him and that was great. I loved what you said here:
Quote:
he said i will get you in court if you do anything to ow
i said me do anything to ow? puhleese, she has my sloppy seconds, how does she love to see my name tatooed on your body, when she is with you.
she must love to read Lissett every time.
That was fantastic. Good for you. It needed to be said, quite frankly.
He's so deep into replay that nothing you would try to do right now would help. Believe me, I know. I wasted so much energy when my H was in this stage. I am glad your family is in such great support of you and yes, they are going to be angry with Puffy now. But he earned it, didn't he?
I won't tell you your marriage can be saved since I know you do not want to hear that. But do remember that this is the worst of the replay now, and ALL of us have been there. And some of the board members here are now seeing BIG changes for the better.
I agree with Nicky, be detached as much as humanly possible, keep posting here (don't leave us for the D section!) and remember you have so many people that love you and are concerned. I will check in with you later, ok? love, Hope
Dear Lissett, You did the right thing, you belong here, please do not leave this Board.
DBing does not mean, IMO that we are doormats, or that we tolerate the intolerable. As Was2sad said [and I saved this] MLC "is not a get out of jail free card for every horrible insult and injury they must inflict on us to see if it makes them feel better in their search for their elusive life happiness." Bingo. Once again you displayed total integrity, which if that imbecile that you have the current misfortune to be married to [I make no judgement on his former states] ever wakes up from his MLC stupor, he will truly regret his trashing.
But, and this ia a bit BUT, I am concerned that he made no attempt prior to MLC to realise/accept that his half brother is a risk to his own children.
As it says in the Bible, - it is better a millstone be placed around a person's neck and they are cast into the deepest ocean han they should harm a child, or suffer them to be harmed. You must protect your children at all costs, and yourself. It is not good dbing to allow abuse - bad for you and the kids, and actually bad for puffy to get away with it.
Don't you dare leave this board!!!!!! You stood up for yourself and you needed to get all that out that has been building inside you. I have done that and then went dark. Get that peace and serenity back in your life. Don't let this affect your health, okay?
I will start my car, get the engine revving and be right over to splat Puffy!!!!!! We got your back!!!!!
Believe it or not, this latest round has actually given me hope that DBing is the way to go. I had just recently dropped my thread ( Hanging over Cloud 6.5 ) because I thought I was failing at DB when I blew up at my W on Monday night. But reading your stories (along with Jack's and a ton of others) lets me believe what we're doing is right. And also that the roller-coaster ride that our MLC's are going through aren't just their highs and lows, but ours as well.
Blowing up and venting the frustration and anger at our WAS might set us back a step or two on the path to saving our marriage, but if we just bottle up those feelings without a release, they will kill us as surely as cancer.
As much as detaching and GAL works for us, we aren't robots. We still feel for our MLC's, whether they deserve it or not. So, take a deep breath (and a healthy dose of wine) and let the pool boys give you a nice massage to work out that stress.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
