Don't fall apart at the thought of an affair. You are not the first person this has happened to. Life is feeding you a crap sandwich, and you have no choice but to eat it. The thing is, how you approach it and deal with it matters.
I agree that the drive out would probably be a waste of time, unless you can pull it off undetected. That would be hard to do. For now, leave her suspicions of your suspicions, muted.
Let's talk about your diet. If you are consuming large quantities of soy products, stop it immediately so that your testosterone levels can return to normal. Soy is replete with estrogen like chemicals to the point that it can effectively cause a form of male chemical castration. You need your testosterone. No soy products for you.
Do get the books. You need the information they contain.
Obviously your employment proclivities lean toward the arts, for the immediate future, you need to get a job and start generating your own source of income. This will help you afford supplies you need, and improve your wife's image of you.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
