I just need a little understanding as I go through this.
Remember your early posts here? How you decided to do things for you? How you decided to detach from H and his drama? You did an excellent job of detaching.
Detaching means not letting our spouse affect our emotional well being. You did that and did that so well.
Remember you dancing around in your bedroom? Remember going out and having fun? Remember even the interest from other men?
Yes you were detached and you sounded good.
You are now piecing. You know, I don’t spend much time in this forum but from what I have read it appears that the focus shifts from the LBS doing the detachment and GAL to the LBS focusing back on the R again. I can see how easy that is. It is a trap of sorts.
No, this is not my 2x4 but please reread your posts on this latest thread. Where is your focus? Is it on you or H and the M? Your very first post: “we are on our way to building a fantastic M”. You talked of the OW. You beat yourself up for being ‘stupid’. You were in a funk about V-Day.
You did all the work last summer and now you feel it is H turn. But although he did notice your changes he is still slow on the uptake. So his actions are beginning to impact you again. That detachment rubber band is snapping back.
Don’t let it.
But it does take two to be in a R. H must do his part too. What can you do to facilitate that?
Keep the DB going. Go back to where you were before the holidays. Turn up the gain. You have mastered the drill: focus on you, let H be who he is, give him space, be happy for you, get your ‘understanding’ here on this BB. Share your feelings with him and focus on the positives. But be you for you.
An independent, self-confident woman with a touch of mystery is so attractive and so desirable.
H will notice and he will feel a bit threatened again (as he did before). Oh no, SHE is back! Will I lose her?
He will respond and make the effort if he cares. It seems that he does care but once the ‘storm’ of last summer blew over, he now feels ‘safe’ so maybe he is not trying as hard to meet your needs. And you may be communicating indirectly that you are ‘needing’ the R again.
All this sucks does it not? Or does it? Being an independent, self-confident woman with a touch of mystery who is so attractive and so desirable is a good thing is it not? Remember that your H is a desire, that is all. You don’t need him to be complete.
You already are complete. You will do fine. Look in the mirror girl – that should be your focus.
