Still in the fight

[81388*]

OK, now I have had too much time to stew about it.

She blew a gasket because I spent 40 bucks on myself and something I wanted to do. This from a woman who spent almost 100 dollars on a pair of shoes while she was with OM on F%cking New years eve f*ck the rest of my family vacation with POS, MFing, big, fat, sweaty, F'ed up, Oh Ily, Noooo ILY, no self respect, assh*le who needs to have his nads ripped off and shoved down his sh!t eating piehole OM, and put it on a CC that was only in my name!

That felt really good to type, is this what y'all mean by venting. I could get used to this.

Someone jump in here.

[81388*]

OK,OK, I know THAT'S not why she blew a gasket.

It is because she started to see her handsome, amazing, unbelievable husband start to slip through her fingers, and it scared her. Right? Please?

[faithtrust180]

I can't do this very well yet but got good advice this week-just stop and let go-I am trying to do that...it sucks but holding on is too hard

[81388*]

FT180;
I have done pretty well at let go, as far as not fighting and just validate and detach, I have been very supportive and have accepted the role of friend. I know that I need to be patient, but the whole thing just seems stuck.

W has not given any indication that she wants anything other than 1)get a job(done) 2)move out(looking) 3)time divorce so that OM will be local by the time D is final. In the mean time she is content to stay here and eat cake.

Unfortunately, up til last night, things had been pretty good, a relative term anymore, but really quite nice. We had been talking more I had been helping her with transition to new job, we had been joking around and it felt really good.

As I look back on it, last night was in the works from the moment I walked through the door. I know it had next to nothing to do with the purchase.(although she did have some valid gripes about that.) Even though she had been upbeat, she had been pushing about the D, her w4, taxes, what will she do about child support,etc. I had done really well, "I don't know what to tell you, maybe we could find someone who might know", or "I don't know the answer to that one, maybe you could find something online", plus she was back to wearing a glaring reminder of OM, a gift she got over NYE week long vacation with that POS.

Well she left this AM with no goodbye, just walked out saying "see ya later" to S6 w/out even looking at him. On the up side, this is going a long way towards helping me detach.

If this is the next phase, she can't move out soon enough. Most of the evening the kids were asking "where is Mom?", "what is Mom doing?" What so you say?, she had to run to town, she is out for the night, she is having a mental breakdown.

Up until last night, I agreed w/ the conventional wisdom on this BB that it was better to have them home if at all possible, but now I am not so sure.

[ford]

Heyya 81

who did your day go?

[whatisis]

8, I too go through those times where I wonder if having her around is the best strategy! There are weeks where I can't wait for her to go out and be the hell away from me. Those times will come and go. We must recognize that our W's aren't idiots, they know what they are doing to their family and it hurts them. They are confused and angry, just as we are. I asked my W a few weeks ago to go for counselling with me and I could almost see the walls spring up around her. Her responses where downright silly e.g. "Why do we always have to know where we are going?" considering this woman pratically schedules her bathroom visits! My point being don't take the incident from last night as particularly meaningful, don't give it more due than it deserves. My guess is you might have a few more days like this and then it will be back to normal. It's part of the rollercoaster. Give it time and remember the pain and confusion isn't all lying with you. They may seem to know exactly where they are going but, honestly they are just as messed up as us. Hang tough, you've been doing great!!!

[81388*]

Ford;
My day was OK, despite last night and this AM, W has been civil and eager to help. I roasted a turkey for dinner and as she came home and saw the menue, decided mashed potatoes were in order, went about fixing them up and they were spectaculer. Not a word about last night. I fought the urge to "talk" and just let it be.

Tonight was good, friend's band was playing at local pub, D14 told me about it , I asked W if she wanted to go, "No thanks" was the answer. After the first set, all the guys were asking, "where is your W?, we need you guys up here dancing." I just said she couldn't make it tonight, but hopefully next time.

It was really sad as I watched other couples dancing and thought to myself, "that was us just 3 months ago, what happened?"

Whatis:

I know my wife is no idiot, she is one of the most insightful, smart, intuitive peaple I know. I think that is part of what makes it so painful to watch, this is not who she is. I can look froma distance and see that, but when I come in for a closer look, I am confused.

I have no idea anymore what normal is.

[Heywyre]

8 - there is no such thing as "normal" in our lives and hasn't been for a long, long time. When are you going to realize that?

I don't even remember what normal is anymore. They flip-flop; send twisted, confusing messages; say things that can be misconstrued. There just doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason, it just "is"

On the brighter side (yes, there is a brighter side - occasionally) I have noticed with my H that his confused state (at times) is a little clearer - does that sound confusing in itself? What I actually mean is, although he (and I) and still very confused where all this is going (or not going, whatever the case might be) there are sporatic times of clarity, actually times when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know if that is just my optomistic way of thinking (which, by the way, is getting thin) but I can see the changes in him. I just hope I can hang in there long enough to see it through because, to tell you the truth, my patience is definitely running low

[81388*]

Hey;
I understand that "normal" no longer exists. It is just so damn frustrating to watch her do all these things that a few short months ago she herself would have been totally against.

I am worried, because she does not seem to have any lack of clarity. She seems very sure of what she wants, and what she is doing. I guess I would be more comfortable is she seemed confused or in a fog. She is full steam ahead, but then again she has not filed or moved out.

Thanks for checking in, you sound like patience is at a low ebb, I hope you are able to regain it. I know what you are saying though, some of this gets easier as you go along-detachment, but then other things become harder. The longer this goes on the more patience I seem to loose.

Its like there is a tank that stores all the hate, pain, emptiness, and regret, and as that tank fills, the one that holds all my patience and understanding empties.

[Heywyre]

Quite frankly 8, I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to get detached but sometimes I think that is the only way I can survive and I am sure you understand

You said you "are worried" - one of my BIG problems too. I worry too much, about me, H, everyone around me - worry, worry, worry. I have to get rid of that because its destroying me. Its just I have been responsible for so much from such a young age. I was taking care of my younger brothers and sister from the time I was about 7 or 8 so I don't know what its like not to have responsibility. Its tough letting go when you don't know how to