We were watching TV last night and I said I wanted H to be happy and in love. He said everyone wants that. A little later I said I'd prefer it if he was happy and in love with me. He said "I haven't said I'm not happy or that I don't love you." Aaaagh! He admitted he probably doesn't feel how I do about him and that he isn't "in love" with me. I cried and said I just want this whole nightmare to be over and to be truly happy for once in my life with nothing to worry about. I need to calm down. I said maybe I'm expecting too much wanting a H who loves and adores me and wanting to be happy. H said he didn't think I was expecting too much for long term just maybe too much for now. Could I ask what you think of this? Do you think I'm wasting my time looking for happiness with a man who feels like this?? Or do you think it sounds like he thinks he will be in love with me again one day and that is why he's here? I feel so confused and I don't want to ask any more questions of H.
To Jen Jam in particular as you are my point of reference as a raving success story and I can't find your thread where you were first reconciling... is this how it was with your H at first? I know from reading your posts that you and H are in love both of you again. Do you think it sounds like my H will get to feel like that again? He says he cares about me an awful lot but it isn't enough for me long term and I'm starting to feel that I'm getting too old to waste time like this if I'm not going to end up with the M I want (and deserve).
H has managed a brief proper kiss!! (very brief) On his way out the door of course. I think I've figured out that he tries these new things on his way out so he doesn't have to continue them or feel awkward after. Based on this theory I won't get another one for about a week because he's out the door before I get up on his current shift! I thought that once we'd kissed it would stir his feelings and things would move quicker - looks like I was wrong again. I cannot for the life of me understand why H is here with me when he obviously has a monumentally HUGE mental block about even kissing me. He promised we'll get there and that is good I know. I just don't understand what is driving him. I'm being driven by total love and desire for him. If he isn't feeling that what is driving him? Why does he want to settle for a second rate M??
I thought that once we'd kissed it would stir his feelings and things would move quicker - looks like I was wrong again. I cannot for the life of me understand why H is here with me when he obviously has a monumentally HUGE mental block about even kissing me. He promised we'll get there and that is good I know. I just don't understand what is driving him. I'm being driven by total love and desire for him. If he isn't feeling that what is driving him? Why does he want to settle for a second rate M??