To me it feels like it is better than post A. I feel like I am experiencing the moments and enjoying them because I am there in mind and body. I truly believe if he will give our M a chance, there is no doubt we would have the best M possible. The issue is he saw the M as the best it could possibily be post A.
Journaling:
Took D to get her 6 month immunization shots with H. She was very playful prior to and recovered quick from the trauma of the shots.
We took DD back home. She fell asleep on the ride home. H and I decided to go out for lunch leaving D with MIL. That almost didn't happen because MIL needed a ride to the grocery store and D had waken up. I was not too disappointed, but H told MIL about lunch and she encouraged us to go. H agreed and said we should go and when I return, I could take MIL to grocery store with D. H was going to go help his cousin out. I appreciated him wanting to go to lunch with me and I told him.
With only 2 hours of sleep today I was exhausted after the trip to the grocery store. I was able to sneak in an hour nap with DD.
The day went ok. Now I wished I didn't make thoses calls to him. Last couple of nights, I have been calling him when I leave for work to give him tidbits of info about DD and to see what he was doing. H seemed okay with it, but tonight he didn't answer. It takes me about an hour to commute to work. Half an hour later and no return call, so I call again and leave a message about giving DD tylenol and ask him to return my call to let me know he has received it. That was over an hour ago. I just called home and DD is asleep and H is not home. That is not unusual since it is Friday night so he must be out with his friends.
What bothers me is that I can't help thinking what if he is not out with his friends but with another woman. When he left for his business trip in the beginning of the month, he left his car home and said I could use it. I did and found a jewelry store bag in his car. Can't help but think he must have purchased something there for someone. I couldn't bring myself to ask him about it. Should I? Then again, I think I wouldn't want to know. DBing would be a lot easier without knowing. But if I do ask, does anyone have any suggestions on how I can ask without sounding like I am prying into his personal business? There might be a logical answer such as someone else had purchased something and left the bag in his car. Either way, I know it doesn't matter. Once I get off work tomorrow morning and see him asleep in bed when I get home I will be content.
So, even if he is seeing someone else. If he is not telling me, does that mean he is not ready to let me go. I know I may be blindly hopeful.
