When my H told me about his A with MY best friend, he KNEW that he wanted to marry her, never truly loved me, etc, etc. For whatever reason, I knew in my heart that he needed to play this one out. He said he needed the D immediately so that he could be with her in the open. I said that I could not D him but that I wanted him to explore his love for her and that if he found over time that he still did not want to be with me, *then * I would grant him the D.
I thought that the excitement of the A was in the *you and me against the world* aspect. I thought if they really had to deal with each other on a real basis that ultimately it would fall apart. I kept going back to the stat that most *in love* experiences only last at most six months. So if I could take away the Romeo/Juliet quality, and let them really experience each other's annoying habits, he would ultimately wake up.
He did. It took almost 4 months from that point for him to come back. And, I did wind up filing because he was going to if I didn't and I wanted it to be *my decision* not ANOTHER thing that was thrust upon me. We were two weeks from it becoming finalized when he woke up.
That was last April. It is not easy. Now, not only do we have to deal with the emotional issues that I have as a result of his A, we also have to deal with all of the issues that caused our distance in the first place. Maybe we are not meant for each other. He is extremely judgmental and controlling. And maybe we aren't right for each other.
I will keep trying to work on things but even when you get him back, life isn't easy/
