I'm new here and need help

[hannahsmom]

Do NOT overanalyze! I am still working on this...it is hard not to try to "connect the dots" between every little positive or negative thing that your S does and try to project a trend! The Rollercoaster image does not accurately depict what is going on in our sitches because these "cars" aren't even on a track

FH - this is excellent advice - as is most I've gotten from all the great folks on this board
I have been very guilty of overanalyzing - lately I have been better - I am taking the day at a time approach

My H is in counseling - I am hoping that this will result on an epiphany on his part that he needs to slow it down and look at what is really going on in his head

Meanwhile I am trying to stay upbeat
luckily the GAL philosophy will keep me going regardless of what happens - and everytime I feel like it is not doing any good - I try to remember that at least it will help me be stronger

thanks for the good advice and prayers -

[FaithfulH]

HM - You are so right on! Work on yourself and you will be amazed at your ever increasing strength. Somebody suggested to me early on that I view this like I was preparing for an Olympic event....or the Superbowl...or whatever big thing works for you. If you realize that your family is at stake....you will be compelled to consider how you use your time to move your sitch forward. This does not mean obsess....rest/sleep are just as critical as reading, exercising, etc. Again, I am praying for you and your family....I believe your situation is VERY promising.

[amd]

How are you, HM?

[hannahsmom]

Hi everyone
I am doing well - although I had a tough day today and decided to come here - it worked - feeling better

I got a wonderful new job that has kept me busy
Mu husband is still in counseling - he has gone back to inviting me to do things ( go for walks - go to the movies etc)
I had a weak moment last time we went walking and asked him if he still felt like he didnt want to stay ( its been over 6 months since the bomb but hes still home )
He implied he is staying around until D is out of high school ( June 08)
He seems much happier these days - not so grumpy and selfish - I am trying to still detach and not live and die on everything he says or does
A day at a time
My birthday is next week and I'm dreading it because I dont want to feel so unloved like I sometimes do
So once again I will focus on my daughter and my friends and try to be a friend to myself also


Thanks for checking in

HM

[hannahsmom]

Hi everyone
I am doing well - although I had a tough day today and decided to come here - it worked - feeling better

I got a wonderful new job that has kept me busy
My husband is still in counseling - he has gone back to inviting me to do things ( go for walks - go to the movies etc)
I had a weak moment last time we went walking and asked him if he still felt like he didnt want to stay ( its been over 6 months since the bomb but hes still home )
He implied he is staying around until D is out of high school ( June 08)
He seems much happier these days - not so grumpy and selfish - I am trying to still detach and not live and die on everything he says or does
A day at a time
My birthday is next week and I'm dreading it because I dont want to feel so unloved like I sometimes do
So once again I will focus on my daughter and my friends and try to be a friend to myself also


Thanks for checking in

HM

[Jack_Three_Beans]

HM,

Was wondering what happened to you.

Keep DBing keep working on yourself.

Keep us informed.

[Grace_O]

HM,

There you are! I'm glad to hear about the new job. You're right it's all just a day at a time (ok, sometimes an hour at a time).

You should do something nice for your b-day. Any plans? Make some! It may be hard, but look at all the two of you are doing together. There's hope you know.

Happy Birthday (in advance)!

[hannahsmom]

Well yesterday was my birthday
I was having a tough time anticipating it from last week until now
The 3 of us went to a small diner that we like for dinner - we had fun
I tried to look at the positives of it - had a flash of paranoia when H asked when his 401K loan was paid off - I started thinking that maybe he wanted to tap into his $ to move out - I know one of the reasons he says he hasnt left is financial - although my counselor thinks this is an excuse and if he really wanted to leave he would've been gone by now
anyway - I pushed those thoughts aside as best I could - we went back to the house
I had 2 cards waiting for me one from D one from H - both addressed to 'MOM" which again pushed some buttons
I got 2 nice gifts one from each of them -

Was a little depressed after he left to go to work ( he works nights ) - So I tried to make a list of everything positive from the day and the last few weeks - that helped a bit

I see my counnselor this week - havent gone in about 6 weeks and I'm wondering if that has something to do with my obsessing about certain things

so many mixed messages - He called me today talking about vacation plans for the summer - wants me to look into places to stay at the beach

we are still living like roomates - no physical contact since Oct - which is very difficult for me

Again the positives I must focus on:
He orchestrated plans 4 my b'day
He has asked me to spend time w/him without our Daughter
He is still at home
He talks about near future plans
We are able to share funny stories about current events, fun talking about the dog, stories about work
He shows concern when I'm not feeling well ( had to see the DR a few weeks back)

This living with so much uncertainty is really difficult
I long for the day when unconditional love is what its about
I thought I had that - now I wonder if I ever did
This is so hard !

Thank you all for your support

[Lissett]

Again the positives I must focus on:
He orchestrated plans 4 my b'day
He has asked me to spend time w/him without our Daughter
He is still at home
He talks about near future plans
We are able to share funny stories about current events, fun talking about the dog, stories about work
He shows concern when I'm not feeling well ( had to see the DR a few weeks back)

I would pay for any of these postives.

Be thank ful ok mamma.

and happy belated burthday

[hannahsmom]

Hi all
Lately I have been feeling
very alone and scared


I feel lonely in my own house - I get worried that when I GAL I am telling my H I dont want him around
I was so much stronger before - it is wearing on me and I am worried that I'm doing all the wrong things
I tried keeping a journal to try to track what was working and what isnt - but I only seem to write in it when I am on the brink of a meltdown and its the rantings of a lunatic and is not helpful after I read it later

H is still at home - we still occasionally do things together - no physical contact at all - we are like brother and sister or best friends
I am afraid to invite him to do things - concerned he will feel pressured - but I feel like he is drifting away from me
He talks about the future - doing stuff to the house - vacation plans with our D - but he is also distant physically - never touches me - not even a hand on the shoulder
It hurts so badly I cry all the time - it is ironic because before when I was oblivious the lack of sex did not bother me cause I was tired living my life balancing work , home , activities with D etc but at that time I was in lala land thinking I had it all - great husband - comfortable life, good job etc
I have never ever felt so unloved in my life - I am so sad

Is time on my side ? Its been 7 months since the bomb and no movement on him moving out
what does that mean - I am trying to make sense out of the non-sensical - I know but today I am having lots of trouble
being strong
Thanks for listening HM