On average (so "they" say) piecing a marriage takes between 1-3 years - wholly crap do I have a ways to go!
I am totally where you are SD. Just when I think things are ticking along just fine I get some teensy little flash of the past that reminds me not to let my guard down, not to trust, not to be happy - all those truly negative things.
Let yourself feel the emotion at the time it happens and then let it pass - it is so much easier to be happy than to try and stay miserable
Thanks Heywyre! Yeah, I don't want to be miserable, and so I'm facing these feelings head on. What you wrote about being reminded not to let your guard down resonates so strongly with me...that's EXACTLY it. It's not safe here for me yet, at least not in my soul. And, well, I know *I've* changed, but H? I don't really know what's happened inside of him. How can I trust it's really okay to do things he railed against and disliked in the past? He held onto all of his feelings about a lot of things and then they came back to haunt me when I took him at his word, so why would I trust he's changed his opinion about these other things he openly disliked?
He's treating me a little like I'm crazy, and that just pisses me off more. I KNOW I'm not crazy for being insecure, for checking in on things like our MC told us to, so I kind of resent being treated that way.
Anyway, thanks for responding. It makes me feel better....
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
