I feel I've had enough

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Does it bother you that he is setting the terms?
Enjoy the contact. He is at least connecting to you, right?
Make sure you do not pursue, don't do it every day or even every other.
See if that makes any positive change.

[kaydeekay]

Jack,

In a way it does bother me with him setting the terms because I feel I don't have any say as far as my relationship with him right now. Sometimes I feel I see/talk to him when he is ready to see/talk to me and it not being a mutual thing.

I will not pursue him; however, I will make contact with him sometime next week to confirm lunch. A few weeks ago he mentioned us watching NASCAR together on Sunday but nothing else has been metioned since then, so I will not bring it up.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You have to be there when they need you, not the other way around, otherwise you will be dissappointed...AND not be there all the time.

[kaydeekay]

That is true. I totally agree with you. Well as predicted, H was a no show for watching NASCAR yesterday; however, he did call to ask if I was going to watch it. I told him I was, but I didn't know if I should invite him over. Was this his way of wanting me to invite him?

[Rosy_Times]

sure, sounds like he was connecting with you and you can bet that while he was watching it, he was thinking of you at the same time, especially after you guys hung up. let him initiate the next contact. it might take a few days. he might pull back now but then again, since you didn't invite him, he might contact you sooner than you expect. baby steps....

[kaydeekay]

Rosy,

I guess H is making baby steps...although, I'm really not sure. The funny thing is that H has dropped hints of getting together to have sex. For instance, I attempted to contact H about child support on Monday and there was no answer so I left a VM. H called back and said he didn't go to work. He then joked the reason I called was because I wanted to have sex with him. I just kinda laughed it off and said "Oh really." I told him that I had to take D13 to the doctor and I wouldn't be home until around 5:00. Later that night H called me from his job (he went ahead and went to work) and told me that he had drove by my house to see if I was home and he thought that I would have called him when I got home. There were a couple of other times when he had mentioned wanting to have sex with me. I didn't know if this is a good thing or not. It could be a good thing meaning that there is no OW at the time

I was home sick yesterday and H phoned me. He asked why I was home and I told him why. H asked if I needed him to bring me something during his lunch hour. I told him no but thanked him and told him that I could get what I needed later. No other phone calls since then. Sometimes I feel that H is wanting me to start calling him.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Sometimes I feel that H is wanting me to start calling him.

Try it once and see what happens Kay. Why not?
Learn from it, a good reaction do it every now and then not every day. A Bad reaction...well you know not to do that again.

Not sure what to tell you about the sex thing. Though Michelle does say it is a chance for a connection...yeah pun intended I think.

[kaydeekay]

I haven't posted in a while. Things between H and I were stalled for awhile. Not even a phone call from him for a month. H has came by the house a few times and even once looked in my closet as though he were looking for something of his (which he doesn't have anything at my house anymore). Tuesday I had a dream about him which reminded me of the deep love we once had. I text H telling him I had a very sweet dream about him and it made me miss him. H texted back "sure it did."

Today I met him at my house during lunch so he could give me child support. D13 and D16 were home for spring break. H needed to use the bathroom in my room and one thing led to another and we had s*x. H commented that I felt good We give each other hugs good-bye and went back to work.

On my way to the bank he phoned me and asked if what we did would come back to haunt him. I asked him to explain. He said if he were in a serious relationship would I bring up the fact of what had happened. He was very adamant about me giving him a promise that I wouldn't. So I did. I asked him if he was seeing someone and he said no, but as the convesation went on he admitted that he was seeing someone but it was not serious. I asked him then why did we do what we did if you were afraid of OW finding out. He said he didn't know.

H went on to tell me that he has not been able to get serious with anyone because he always compares other women to me. He doesn't trust women (I think with his heart) becuase of our M. H said that we both need to move on or decide what we need to do. H said he cares about this woman but he also cares about me. He said he thinks about me when he is with OW.

H said other women are not like me. H said he had to have me in his life one way or another. H said he didn't know if it's because we have been together for so long or what it was about me. H said other women don't laugh like me, didnt' take care of him like me, or do the things that I had done for him like I can. H didn't know if this relationship would work out or not.

Now this is where I don't know if I should have said this because I feel like I letting him cake eat again. I asked him if things didn't work out did he want to work on us again. He said he would. I asked him if he would put 100% into the relationship and he said "Yes, I would give it 100%." H further said that he had some good feelings about OW and bad feelings. H wanted to see how this relationship with OW turns out and if it didn't work out he said he was done dating other women, he was tired of it. I asked how long have they've been dating, he said about 2 months but has know her for 4 months.

I wished him well in his new relationship and he said "we'll see. I need to ask her a lot of questions and if she feels I'm prying, oh well." H mentioned that one of the other women he dated called him and he told her not to call him anymore. H said he was cutting all ties (I'm assuming with all the other women he date, who knows).

I feel I made the biggest mistake in letting H know that I would like to work on our M still. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and not getting nowhere after 2-1/2 years.

Will someone let me if I did make a mistake or is this something H needed to hear that I do want our M to work?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Kay,

Why do you need our reassurance in this?

You feel that it was a mistake to let your husband know you wanted to work on the M? Why is that?

Seems to me like it was a good thing.

Sometimes sex is just sex, and helpful to reconnect I am glad that it happened for you.

If you do not see this as reaching out in all that he said, and even his tentative "can I actually tell her these things..." feeling you out and then admitting the truth.

Kay you were his friend, and THAT is how you reconnect for real.

Do you really think you did wrong here?

I simply do not. I think you did great.

Cake eating is just a term.

We find out what it takes to break us in this. You have not broken.

[kaydeekay]

Thanks Jack for your words of encouragement. I'm simply second guessing myself.

I was actually surprised that he would consider working on our M. In the past he was very adamant about us not being together. I may be wrong here, but I felt that he may have thought that I have moved on.

I've always thought there may have been another woman but actually hearing kinda stung.

I'm going to let him be for awhile and my give him a call sometime next week to say hi.