What I've seen is that the woman is often anxious the next morning. Will the man even be able to look at her, much less accept her? Over the course of time, after continual acceptance of her for the way she wants to be, she begins to believe that not only is she accepted but even loved and desired for that part of herself she wants to give. Then she's capable of saying "yes" from that better, more whole place.
I'm only going to disagree with you a little bit. I think what you are saying is that even women who want to own their own sexuality still feel compelled to ask permission to own it. I'm certain I've given off that vibe myself but it does vary. I have a vivid memory of being 21 and walking home barefoot in a little white dress down the city streets early one summer morning after a casual sexual encounter just humming to myself with satisfaction. A woman can only freely, generously give that part of her sexuality which she does own herself. Of course, a woman who owns her own sexuality is scarey as h*ll to most men because she can choose to give it to whomever she wants. The point I am trying to make is that a woman who owns her own sexuality is actually more responsible as a sexual partner in the same way that a person who owns their own home is more responsible than a renter. People always care for things they own and value and sexuality is no exception.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
