HannahsMom, Just catching up on your thread. I am amazed at the strength I see in your posts compared to where I started. All I can say is "WOW"...I know you don't always feel it....but, you are strong!
You and I have many similarities in our threads:
Long term Marriage (26 years in my case)
Spouse still at home
Apparently no OP in the mix
Teenage kids at home
You can see in my signature block below that I am a H whose W is pursuing D...although she has done very little to move it forward in the 6 months since the bomb.
Here are some things I found VERY important (in addition to all the great advice you have gotten already about GAL, etc):
As painful as it is, living in the same house is a powerful advantage. If asked, do not agree to leave! My W has taken up residence in an adjacent bedroom for the last 6 months while I stay in our MBR. I have made it clear that she is welcome to come back into the MBR when she is ready (not likely any time soon)
Do not do anything to move the D forward. If H pursues D, only respond when you have to...taking as long as is allowed. In other words, delay..delay..delay (without irritating your H if possible) "Time" is your friend!
Show your spouse "unconditional love" with "random acts of kindness" without any expectations in return.
As a part of GAL, set specific goals for yourself in the areas of Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social (DB Coach Vernetta shared this with me...she is awesome!)
Do NOT overanalyze! I am still working on this...it is hard not to try to "connect the dots" between every little positive or negative thing that your S does and try to project a trend! The Rollercoaster image does not accurately depict what is going on in our sitches because these "cars" aren't even on a track!
None of us have any guarantees in how our sitches will turn out...but, my friends (your friends) on this board have helped me get to a place where I know that I have a bright future in front of me regardless of the outcome...if our spouses choose to join us...even better!
BTW - I think the fog has started to clear a bit for my W in the last couple of weeks. She asked me to sit down and talk with her one week ago (the first time since the bomb)...and we talked for over 3 hours. Since that time, its back to the usual...giving her "time and space" and working on me...while God works on her.
I'll pray for you and your H and daughter. Take care and keep up the great DBing/GALing!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
