Hi again...I had a really positive evening with H and although it is not a spoken thing that we are piecing, I feel we are really close if not actually in the very beginning stages. My positive evening was dinner and gift exchange for V-Day. H worked on Wednesday and so we celebrated last night. While this may not be significant for most people, it was very special to me.
H has always said V-Day was a stupid holiday. We would do the card and candy thing but that was about it. This year we are separated and H 1) initiates the subject of buying presents 2)invites me to have dinner that he will cook 3)apologizes several times about scheduling not working out and having to celebrate it late. Those are the actions that H took which made me think we could have a wonderful new M once H can be sure that my changes are not only for real but also forever.
All week I have been trying to not get my hopes up about dinner and what may happen and I think I did ok because my let down was minimal. It is not like I expected to be asked to move back home last night but it was in the back of my mind since he was actually making an effort on something he usually "poo poos". I vowed to be fun, to be a good listener, to be appreciative, and to be upbeat. In all honesty, I was genuinely all those things...until I got tired and called it a night.
When I first got to our apartment, we chatted a little and H told me I looked thinner. I thanked him and told him he looked really good (he had on a blue shirt that made his blue eyes just melt my heart). We went to the grocery store and got things to make for dinner. H made garlic and dill salmon with mashed potatoes and red champagne. Neither of us felt like vegetables or salad so we skipped it. We talked for a long time after dinner about a lot of different things. No R talk but that is just fine with me, I usually cry a bit during those chats and did not want to ruin the evening.
A lot of "we" talk happening on H's part which made me feel great! H made a joke that we would proabably finally remember how to turn a quirky knob right before we moved out. Later he mentioned not wanting to tell our kids (we have no kids, btw) about his combat experiences. Those are really special to me even though others may look at them as desperate glimpses of hope. I call them baby steps...they are truly there but BOY are they tiny
Patience...patience...patience, the Lord knows I am trying
